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deanwasalwaysbi · 4 years ago

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Thinking About How This Wasn't Actually a Denial

But was it self preservation?

The year was 2013 and rather than a denial, Jensen said "Don't ruin it for everybody now."

What was the fan 'ruining' for everybody? The Con? or something else? So if I was a tinhatter - and sometimes I am - I might think about other tv shows from the past that were covertly queer and how they handled the question, were TV shows 'out'?

Mainstream shows like Bewitched, you know, shows that are so clearly straight, you can tell because... well. ... they never technically used the word 'gay'. ... witches honor

SPN Film Studies is Back in Session! Join Under the Cut for more on supernatural & the story about how Bewitched! came out of the Broom Closet

Bewitched aired from 1964-72, it's so old the first season was in B&W. The show starred Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha, the strange housewife with a stranger secret. Her husband, Darrin, unwittingly married into the whole witchy family, from the now drag icon Agnes Moorehead's Endora with her open marriage, to the unmarried and batty Aunt Clara (Marion Lorne who played the mother in Hitchcock's heavily gay coded 'Strangers on a Train'), to the extremely coded Uncle Arthur (gay actor Paul Lynde). (We can't know for sure, but it seems at least 4 members of the cast were gay themselves.) The core premise of the show involves Samantha balancing who she really is with repressing that self for the safety and comfort of her family.

Samantha and her husband keep her [ahem] 'queer' nature a secret which gets harder on Samantha when she has to tell her daughter to live the same way, “I know what fun it is to be a part of the magical life ... to have so much at your fingertips. But we’re living in a world that’s just not ready for people like us, and I’m afraid they may never be. So you’re going to have to learn when you can use your witchcraft and when you can’t.”

There are plenty of generic 60s wacky hijinks but there are also whole episodes metaphorically about repression being harmful, episodes where characters asked if another was a 'thespian', episodes where Darrin was queercoded while under a spell, episodes about representation & bad stereotyping in media, and even two episodes where witches discussed whether it was time for witches to come out to the mortals, (whether mortals could accept that they were just nice normal people trying to live their lives like everybody else - or not - and would just freak out and kill them again).

When it came time to recast Dick York's Darrin with a new 2nd lead, Elizabeth and her husband, William Asher, knowingly cast the gay Dick Sergeant. (Although he wasn't out publicly at the time.) Then, when Sergeant came out in '91, Montgomery supported him and the two served together as the grand marshals of the Hollywood pride parade.

Dick Sargent expressed in the 90s what he would want in a Bewitched reunion episode: for Darrin to meet another like couple, a witch and a mortal who are married, and another, and another, and end up forming a whole community and support group, finding out that it was never so uncommon after all, that it was actually "about 10% of the population." The two would march in the first mortals and witches pride parade, saying they should have come out years ago.

In '94, Montgomery had this to say about the queer themes of the show, “Don't think that didn't enter our minds at the time. We talked about it on the set, that this was about people not being allowed to be what they really are. If you think about it, Bewitched is about repression in general and all the frustration and trouble it can cause. It was a neat message to get across to people at that time in a subtle way.” (x)

Interviewer: Are you concerned that your involvement in the gay-pride parade will lead people to believe you're a lesbian?

"[Laughing] I'm really not worried about that. There are bigger things to worry about. Like the presidential election and finding a cure for AIDS. I did the parade in support of Dick. I mean, in the end, didn't we all?" (x) (Montgomery was also one of the first celebrity allies to fight for LGBTQ rights and support HIV/AIDS-related fundraisers.)

So did they talk about it at the time? No. You can bet they didn't speak about it publicly. What would have happened if a fan, publicly, had asked Elizabeth, William, or Dick about the show's queer allegory content? This was a time when being gay was a literal felony. They would have had to have lied or risked losing the show, their careers, and possibly subjecting themselves to violence.

Now. back to Jensen and the Schrodinger's long con:

This was in 2013 - The same year that the Supreme Court of the United States struck down a federal ban on gay marriage. You certainly couldn't call homosexuality illegal in the US at that time. It's the same year that Dabb and Sgriccia spoke about the Aaron moment on the DVD and whether there's 'this potential for love in all places' for Dean. Of course Jensen said this about the very same scene: "But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

I'm reminded of 2012 when Ben Edlund stepped in about a Destiel question at comic con, pretending it was some freaky thing that fans had made up even though he'd already written and directed TMWWBK, which had already aired.

Jensen: “What’s Destiel?” Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

Or the next year for season 9 when Jensen said “I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand” “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” EVEN THOUGH- that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and Misha (or both of them?) was told to “play him like a jilted lover”

Or Jensen's knowing bromance smile in 2015

I think recent events (cough spn gate) have made clear that the network and many viewers were still uncomfortable with CAS being gay in 2020, deleting even familial mentions of Cas from the finale episodes once he was revealed to be not only gay but also in love with Dean. (x) (x) (x) Can you imagine then what Warner Brothers would have said to an acknowledge bisexual Dean Winchester in 2013? Granted, there was no Trump election, but legitimate, could that have been the end of the show? Or the Russian and Conservative US viewership? Is it possible that Jensen would have feared so?

Is it possible that Jensen had a more personal reason for a knee jerk defensive response?

So was Jensen covering in 2013? Well. This happened 5 years later in 2018:

That hostile "? No." came even though Misha confirmed that he and Jensen had discussed Destiel by that point. Granted, discussing Destiel as a concept and accepting Dean being inherently bisexual are two very different things - Cas is GN after all - still, less than encouraging.

I may never get over the jumps back and forth that Jensen did. At this point I think there's no denying that a lot of SPN's queer content was on purpose, even as writers and actors were telling fans and network execs otherwise. Yet when each person involved was brought in? that question haunts me at night. I have gone off before about the timeline in my pursuit of whether Jensen was Ben Hur'd (x) and, if so, for how long. I'm sure many in this fandom have so much to add.

In the meantime we'll just have to cherish this moment from 2019:

Interviewer: 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you’re most excited to tackle with your character this final season.’ Jensen: “Cas. Just like a full football form tackle.”

Bewitched references in SPN:

2.05 - Dean: Well, it looks like he can't work his mojo just by twitching his nose, he's gotta use verbal commands.

2.20 - Dean says Barbara Eden was hotter than Elizabeth Montgomery - sigh - Dean.

7.05 - Dean thinks a husband has no idea his wife is a witch, and refers to him as Darrin. Dean also indicates he likes the first Darrin better. - (I guess I can't make a comment about how much TV Dean watched as a kid if I get all of his references and also haven't saved the world.)

14.03 - Jules refers to the witch as 'Brunhilde' - this is a minor character in bewitched but more so from mythology and likely referred to the cartoon witch from WB cartoons - the stereotypical witch that faced bugs bunny with the green skin and straw hair.

let me know if you have any to add. Stay Witchy ✌

#jensen ackles #jackles long con #dean was always bi #spn film studies #spn queercoding #Spn tinhatting #ben hur treatment #bewitched #queercoding #Caslighting #Spn gaslighting #elizabeth montgomery #dick sargent #paul lynde #original content #Marion Lorne #Marion Lorne was also in a show called the gay adventure in 1932 but i dont have any information on the plot #and to quote misha. it's probably gay like happy #Schrodinger's long con

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sunsetcarnation264 · 3 years ago

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So, uh, that DT17 finale huh?

I would've made this right after I watched the finale, but I wanted to give it a bit of time to sink in fully and made sure I thought everything through before giving my thoughts on it. Not the worst finale there is, but it definitely could've been way better in my opinion. I've heard about the finale from my friends who've seen it, which from the sounds of it I already wasn't liking it, but since I've seen the finale now, how I feel about it is now concrete and set in stone and I feel the same as before. Maybe how I feel about it is in the minority side, or maybe a majority side, I dunno but I don't care. It's not the best it could've been and I'll explain why below. If you like it, good for you I guess because everyone's tastes are different, but I personally don't and I feel like the show deserves a much better finale than this. HEAVY DUTY DISCLAIMER: Just because I'm criticizing the finale doesn't mean I don't love the series, in fact it's because I love the show that I'm giving criticism and give what I would’ve done instead, and if you're anything like me and you're hella late to the party then there'll be spoilers for the finale. If you haven't caught up on the last episode, then you're not missing much honestly, but if you don't like spoilers regardless then watch that first then come back

The first part of the finale starts off like any other DuckTales 2017 episode. It's Webby's birthday, everyone's keeping their eyes out for F.O.W.L. shit, and Webby's enjoying herself. After a bit everyone goes below Funso's and they end up in F.O.W.L.'s territory. F.O.W.L. sets everything up to be on self-destruct, so they gotta find them and stop the self-destruction. They did happen to do the latter, but the F.O.W.L. members already escaped with almost everything. Just almost. The gang end up finding May and June, who're clones and they presume they're clones of Webby. Now this is where I'm starting to not like the finale. Yeah, you can do clones as like a plot twist, but at the same time it feels a bit outta nowhere. Had they foreshadowed it in another episode or have it lead up to the whole "oh shit there's clones of a character we know and love" thing then I wouldn't have a problem, but this came outta nowhere and I kept an eye on possible foreshadowing during season 3 and the rest of season 2 post The Duck Knight Returns too so I would've picked something up. The only thing that could count as foreshadowing was when Beakley promised Webby that she won't keep anymore secrets from her and the harp was saying "fibbing fibbing fibbing", but that's just it. Part two of the finale, Gyro does tests on them to see who they might've been clones of. He tries to tell everyone what the results are but when Scrooge asks him, he said it didn't come up with anything for him to answer the question. Beakley thinks they're both dangerous and locks them up in a closet. Webby, being a naive little girl, wants to talk to them because they're essentially her 'sisters' and she wants to know them more even though Beakley straight up tells her not to interact with them. Webby disregards what Beakley says anyways and she frees them, talks to them, and tries to show them her family tree so they can figure out where May and June came from. May and June are basically like "ehhhh this is your family tree? Who tf are you related to besides Beakley?" yeah, as if extended family or found family still ain't family you jerks. In the meantime, Louie just wants to watch his Ottoman Empire finale which ends up being shitty foreshadowing for the last part of this finale. You'll see why I mentioned this later. They even see Lena and Violet on there and are like "okay but who're those" which Webby responds with how they're her best friends and guess what one of the two clones goes to do? One of them grabs scissors and tries to cut it. When she does cut it, Lena's like "aw hell no bitch" and uses magic on her. Webby being Webby, is completely upset about this because "that was my sister how could you do that" and runs off like how one of the clones ran off. Bitch you only knew her for like five seconds, just because y'all be related don't mean you automatically THIS close to each other like how you are with Lena, Violet, Huey, Dewey, Louie, and anybody else in the McDuck family. I personally believe that love, trust, and respect is what makes people family, not blood/DNA, adoption, or they were married into the family or a step sib/kid/etc. If they're a harmful dick (i.e. a bigot who's queerphobic and/or racist or if they're an abuser, murderer, etc.) then you don't gotta treat them like family or say that they're your family. But anyways we're probs getting off topic, point is that she should trust those who she's known forever instead of clones she knew for a few minutes. Everybody tries to find Webby and one of the clones that ran off. Webby bumped into Beakley as she was tryna find May or June (I think May tho, don't recall) and she tries to lie her way outta it but Beakley knows what's up lol. She says that Webby wants to see the clones, Webby goes with it, and the younger duck wants to know who her parents were. Beakley tells her who her parents were (which might've either been a lie or she was describing herself and a late significant other that we've seen in Webby's picture of her parents) and Webby accepts it. Cut to later when she catches May and June trying to steal the ancient artifacts that Scrooge and co. retrieved during the entirety of season 3. She's shocked that they're even doing this, they all fight each other, and May escaped while June got knocked out. Webby disguises herself as June while she takes her outside where F.O.W.L. awaited them with an aircraft, most importantly Bradford. We only find out Webby was disguising herself as June when everyone got on. Huey notices what's going on and he goes after them, somewhat hiding in the aircraft before everyone leaves for the F.O.W.L. hideout. Not gonna lie, that was a pretty smart plan by Webby. Considering they all look identical and Webby's good at imitation, she can actually get away with this pretty well. This I actually really like and I wouldn't change too much about this. When Huey reveals himself to the three, Webby reveals herself to him but tells him to play along so they ain't fucked over. Somewhat worked. Webby keeps making little slips here and there which makes May hella suspicious of her. They land at the hideout, Webby tries to get what info she can while Huey's taken away. Thanks to the help of Pepper (who I love btw and I think deserves the best ;____;), Webby ends up finding the document room where there's documents on May, June, and a third person with the codename of April. She watches it and oh, shit, it turns out Bentina Beakley actually snatched her ass from F.O.W.L. when she was a baby! What a shocker! She couldn't believe what she was seeing! This is actually fine to me, her possibly being a clone actually makes sense because she could've been a clone of Beakley. Plus it's also a huge reference to how Webby was created to be a combination of Daisy's nieces April, May, and June back in the original series, though I dunno how many people would catch that, especially younger fans who might not have done the research to getting all of the references and easter eggs here. When Beakley was brought in (essentially she knocked Scrooge out without hurting him, went to here alone to take care of F.O.W.L. once and for all just for Webby, but got defeated along with some of the McDucks), everyone leaves Beakley, Webby, and the Harp alone and Webby somewhat confronts Beakley about her past. Needless to say, Webby ain't excited about this and she gets captured and tied up. She's actually pretty depressed, which I mean in a way I don't blame her since she wanted to know if that shit was real or if F.O.W.L. was fabricating it. Cut to Huey being brought to Bradford. Apparently he was a fellow Woodchuck too, though he wasn't the best despite being the very first Woodchuck by his grandmother Isabella Finch, in fact he was the worst which hahaha yeah I can actually believe that. It does explain why he hates adventures and all of that shit, one of the only things I'm willing to accept from the finale. He talks about how he wants to complete the collection "for the better" because Scrooge and everyone else in the family were the only ones to have Isabella's lost journal. Huey believes this at first. He stops believing it once he ends up finding Gyro and everyone else who're locked up. In the meantime, Bradford drags Webby out to a sort of box along with May and June. She doesn't know why she's brought up here. When she gets close to the box, the papyrus appears because... She's the descendant of... Of Scrooge McDuck. Okay no, JUST NAH MAN. This is where my biggest issue in the finale lies, the fact that she's a clone/made from Scrooge's DNA and is technically his "daughter". Not everybody has to be related to Scrooge McDuck to be great, in fact doing this to her actually ruins Webby's character. Her trope is "found family," not "I'm secretly part of the family this whole time and not even I knew it" and this fucks with it so badly. This show is about family, and all different kinds of it. Being taken care of by your uncles/aunts instead of your parents but still having a good relationship, some kids don't have parents and they're gone for whatever reason, being loved and accepted by other family members, some families are awful and abusive, hell some families have two same sex/gendered parents with a kid who's def adopted and one might've been adopted or been from a previous relationship, and it's also how sometimes we find people to call family because we found them and they found us. Webby was the one to fill in the finding those to find family alongside her grandma, but I feel like they're disregarding that just to have a huge plot twist. Again aside from Beakley keeping secrets from Webby, there was no foreshadowing and it makes a previous episode from season two (Nightmare on Killmotor Hill) seem kinda creepy in hindsight since she's over here wanting to be Scrooge himself, and creepy overall due to how obsessive she was over the whole McDuck family in general. You could say it's foreshadowing this whole time, since some people might actually be like this before realizing that "oh hey I'm actually related to this person" due to someone being adopted, given to someone else to take care of, divorce and each parent keeps one of the kids and they don't meet again until way later in life, which in a way is a fair point but at the same time not everyone's gonna notice this even when they look back at the previous episodes. If you're gonna do foreshadowing and a plot twist, you have to do it where looking back everyone can notice little details, not just a certain group of people, and you gotta make sure it's good. Every plot twist has it's foreshadowings, and every good one has a good amount for people to take a guess. Every bad plot twist, however, is either forced in just to shock the viewers or has shitty foreshadowing that's either extremely little or none. I will make a comparison between this and Steven Universe (which if you're still watching or haven't touched yet but haven't gotten up to season five, please skip this part to avoid spoilers for the show) because in Steven Universe, there were PLENTY of hints and foreshadowing that Rose Quartz was actually Pink Diamond and it was even a theory too that Rose was actually Pink, alongside a theory that Pearl was actually the one to shatter Pink Diamond and not Rose which ended up being true in a way that both fits. This was a good plot twist that everyone can watch the show from start to end once again and notice every little bits of details that led up to that plot twist reveal. (End of SU spoilers) This, however, isn't a good plot twist. It's a terrible one and, again, forced in, messy, and there's not enough foreshadowing that can be used to be like "oh I kinda saw that coming" or "oh shit!" and think it's a genuinely good twist. Also the fact that Webby called Scrooge "Dad" T W I C E in the finale, it doesn't sound right, I even voiced out loud that OH EW THAT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT WHY ARE YOU CALLING HIM DAD THIS IS GROSS STOP IT LIKE JUST CALL HIM UNCLE SCROOGE LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE- Oh and this is meant to be a throwback to that Ottoman Empire finale foreshadowing thing from earlier btw lol The last few things I can note about this is the fight between Scrooge and Bradford, where the latter reveals that he was the one to tell Della about the Spear of Selene (which pisses Scrooge off so damn BADLY and it's the other thing I can accept from the finale, it seems like Bradford to do that shit), and the fact that Donald almost died for fucking good due to Bradford pushing his ass into a machine that can erase anything and everything from existence when put in there. He did so with his minions, so he has no qualms about doing so to Scrooge's family unless he signed the papyrus as a contract. Not that it worked anyways, since "family is the greatest adventure of all" which Bradford didn't understand one bit lol But the finale? Not good, the show deserved so much better and Huey deserved way better because this was his season. What I would've done differently is mainly how Webby is a "clone" or whatever you want to call her. It makes no sense for all of her DNA to be from Scrooge McDuck, which raises way too many questions. Why not Beakley? Why not a warrior from F.O.W.L. with a mix of McDuck DNA? Why is Webby a girl while Scrooge isn't? You could argue that oh he might be a trans guy, which while I absolutely LOVE trans and nonbinary headcanons (due to the fact I'm a nonbinary woman myself), it just feels like a cheap escape goat of an excuse to explain that and Scrooge being trans because of that? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh it doesn't feel right to me. If it was a combination of him and Beakley, then okay I'd get why she's like that, but it still has the problem of her being related to the family DNA-wise. Same with the clones honestly. Now what I would do differently is make it where she's a clone of someone (def not Scrooge) and make it where she has an identity-existential crisis. Who is she really? Is she this "April" character, or if she Webby like she's always known herself as her whole life? In the end, she accepts that she's herself, Webby Vanderquack, granddaughter of Bentina Beakley and an ally of Scrooge McDuck. May and June, on the other hand, are possibly failed attempts to recreate Webby, the perfect clone, in order to get the papyrus to appear which in of itself never stated it had to be a DIRECT heir to Scrooge McDuck (it just states that it requires an heir of Scrooge McDuck) like a daughter/son or whatever. You can go back to the episode "The First Adventure" to look at the papyrus if you want, but he wrote that it was to an HEIR not a descendant. It heavily supports how they changed a shit ton of things before the last season being this year instead of idk, try to make it better because they finished voicing the lines in January this year when they started doing season three around the time we got season two. Bradford gets frustrated, wondering how it couldn't have worked because HE HAS WEBBY RIGHT HERE. What he didn't realize was that it could've been someone within the family itself, one who's considered the smart one out of the bunch that wasn't Scrooge McDuck himself, someone who's also a fellow Junior Woodchuck. And that would be Hubert Duck, in which season three is meant to be his season. When he gets close, the papyrus appears but Bradford snatches it and runs off with it so he can finish up that contract he's spent FOREVER to make and force Scrooge to write his name there. As with May and June, I dunno what I would do with them, but if I rewrite the finale at some point (which I would be doing now with my mom, who watched the finale with me because we tend to watch stuff a lot, but I can't at the moment because I have a list of stuff to make and I can't afford to make it longer than it already is along with my WIP list) I'll figure out what to do with them. Overall, the finale is a 4 out of 10 for me. Not horrible enough for it to be the worst finale ever in the history of shows/series, but it's definitely got a lot of things that bothered me too much to genuinely enjoy it without getting stuck on something for too long. Again if you like it, good for you, but personally? It should've been much better and the series deserves a proper finale. If there's no surprise movie to make it better, then I'ma just pretend this finale doesn't exist like nah bye bitch dunno you lmao Besides with how messy this finale is, I hope you guys enjoyed reading my thoughts on it and I hope you guys have a great day

#DuckTales 2017 #DuckTales Reboot #Spoilers on the finale/The Last Adventure #Lil's Talks #Idk I just thought about it again and I'm just not that happy with it lol #Just put a lot of love and care into everything you work on guys #I'm up for discussion to see why you guys like it #just don't be a dick in the comments and reblogs please #That's all I ask for

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lochrannn · 3 years ago

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AU_gust: Try not to make a scene

Read on AO3

prompt no 22: Theatre

Relationship: Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves

Characters: Lila Pitts, Diego Hargreeves

So, Lila has royally fucked up.

So badly!

This is definitely going to cost her her job. Probably end her career in theatre, at least in this city.

Shit, she’ll have to go back home.

What was she thinking?

So the aging starlet has been an absolute nightmare to work with and everyone hates her and three people quit the show because she made them cry repeatedly. So what? That’s what theatre is like sometimes, if you can’t tough it out, maybe it’s not for you.

But Lila has always had a contrarian streak and though she has absolutely no intention to let the platinum blond harpy get far enough under her skin that she will quit her job, Lila has made the absolute bonkers decision to send her a dead goldfish via courier to her dressing room.

It’ll fall back on her. They’ll find out eventually and it won’t be hard to fire her. She might be the assistant director but they’ll manage to finish their run of The Commission without her, they will not manage to do that without their, for better or for worse, big name star.

She’s royally fucked!

Looking up the tight busy corridor from the corner she is hiding behind to where she can see the closed dressing room door with a cheap a4 printout of “The Handler” hastily sellotaped to it, Lila wonders whether there is any way she can make it through that door without being noticed, find the small parcel, and then get out again without anyone thinking she’s stolen something.

She bites the skin on the side of her thumb while anxiously worrying her fingernail. She’s momentarily distracted by the pain when there’s suddenly someone right next to her.

“What’s up?” says Diego, one of the riggers who she may or may not have been flirting with over the past month, making her swivel round in irrational panic over her plot being discovered.

“Nothing!” she says so fast that it becomes basically a one syllable word. Great, that couldn’t have been more suspicious.

And just to prove that to her, Diego’s scarred eyebrow, the sexy one that she’s joked about making him look like he’s got some dark and dangerous past, quirks upwards. She’s never said anything about the long scar on the side of his head, she worries he might be sensitive about it. She thinks it’s one of the hottest god damned things she’s ever seen.

Whenever she makes her silly joke, he will smirk at her and say, “Maybe someday I’ll tell you, Pitts.”

So is that flirting or just stagehand banter? She’s not sure.

Diego crosses his arms and leans into her space just a little bit, “You look hella guilty, you know that?”

“Uhm,” Lila just says putting her thumb back between her teeth and staring back at the fucking “The Handler”’s dressing room door.

“Oh shit, you really did do something!” Diego says with a disbelieving grin on his face and Lila starts shushing him, vaguely putting a hand up against his face and his chest to get her point across, and then momentarily gets distracted by how hard his pecs feel under his black cotton t-shirt.

But apparently there’s also a sufficient amount of panic in her expression, because Diego softens and says, “Hey, maybe I can help you, yeah?”

Something about the sudden gentleness makes Lila completely defenseless and before she knows it, she’s telling him everything.

“So I may have, in a moment of blind rage, sent a parcel to our star,” and she fills those words with so much venom that she herself thinks she’s being petty and then feels strangely embarrassed in front of Diego, who is definitely less involved in the infighting between the actors and the production team. “Anyway, I don’t actually want her to get it, so now I don’t know how to get it out without anyone seeing me.”

She hasn’t really noticed that while she was whispering intensely at Diego who obligingly leaned down towards her so that he could hear, they have actually moved all the way down the corridor and are now only a couple of feet from the offending dressing room.

“I could be your lookout,” Diego stage whispers with a shrug and Lila slaps him gently and shushes him again.

“Jesus, Diego, people are running up and down this corridor all the time, there’s no point in a lookout!”

“Then what do you suggest?” he asks with a bit of irritation and Lila can’t really blame him for it, after all he’s only trying to help.

“No need for the attitude,” she grumbles instead of actually expressing her thanks. She gets a well deserved eyebrow quirk in return.

And that sparks a thought.

In the span of a second she goes backwards and forwards on her idea but she really has no time to contemplate all of the consequences, so she gets on tiptoes, leans into Diego and presses her lips to his.

Diego freezes in surprise.

But he doesn’t push her off and he isn’t not kissing her back (which Lila files away to examine at a later stage), but after two beats he does pull away, warm palms resting on her shoulders, and breaths out, “What the fuck?”

Oh now he knows how to whisper quietly! It sends a shiver down Lila’s spine.

“Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable,” she repeats a line she heard once in a film and then promptly leans back into him and apparently, and to her own utter shock, Diego accepts that explanation and he puts his arms around her and somehow gets their tongues involved.

Momentarily distracted by how stupidly soft and pillowy his lips are, Lila is taken by surprise when he pushes her up against the door behind her and then suddenly it gives way and in the next moment they’re inside the dressing room, no longer holding onto each other but only inches apart and a little out of breath.

She’s staring up into his eyes and he looks a little shell shocked himself until he literally shakes his head gently, probably to clear his thoughts, and says, “So what are we looking for?”

Lila jerks a bit, as if only fully understanding where she is and why when he speaks to her, and stutters out a dumb, “Uh.. Uhm!” and turns around to the shabby desk with the makeup mirror above it.

And there it is, her stupid package.

Oh fuck and she’d even put a smarmy red bow on it, hadn’t she?

Lila grabs it and turns on her heels making her way straight back to the door, Diego close behind, but when she grabs the handle she stops.

“What?” Diego asks hastily, now probably caught up in her panic, even though none of this actually has anything to do with him.

He’s standing right next to her, shoulder pressed against the wall beside the door, clearly ready to bolt the moment she opens it.

“We can’t walk out there like this, it’d be too suspicious,” Lila rushes out, then clamps the little package under her arm, trying not to think too hard about what’s inside, and starts dragging her hand through her hair a couple of times.

“Gotta make it look believable,” she says by way of explanation as she reaches up and messes up Diego’s much shorter hair.

Then, on a whim, because she’s feeling devious, she lets her hand drop to the back of his neck, pulls herself up against him for the second time in only five minutes, puts her lips to his throat, and starts sucking a hickey into Diego’s skin.

“Jesus,” Diego breathes out and his hands flutter to her hips and grab on tight.

And for a second Lila’s lost in the moment. Her whole body is pressed against his and maybe he’s got a screwdriver in his pocket, or maybe this stupid fucking plan is as much of a turn on for Diego as it is for her, but that thought brings her back around to why she’s here in the first place and the horrifying contents of the parcel under her arm, and Lila ends up killing the mood for herself and pulls away.

When Diego dazedly follows her along as if he’s about to kiss her, it takes all of her mental strength to put a hand on his chest and hold him off.

“We’d better go!” All amusement has gone from her voice and Lila feels both excillerated and like this was the dumbest fucking plan she’s ever persued.

Now she has a dead goldfish in a package under her arm and the rigger she’s had a crush on since she started working here is trying to make out with her a bit more, but maybe that’s not all she wants.

Diego pulls away the second she starts putting distance between them and they slip out the door to an empty corridor.

Lila turns around to Diego, glad that her complexion will mostly hide how much her cheeks are burning, and doesn’t manage to look him in the eyes to say, “Ok, thanks! Bye!” before turning around and actually jogging away down the hall.

Later that evening, when the audience has left, the actors have mostly headed out to the bars and clubs of the city, and only a small amount of crew are still backstage to prep for the next day, Lila heads out through the loading bay to get to the subway.

That’s not how she usually leaves. Usually she leaves through the front door, not the stage door, but maybe today, for no particular reason, she just wants to take a quick look at who is still around from the rigging crew.

And as she passes by one of the darker nooks, shrouded from view by heavy stage curtains, she feels a hand wrap around her arm and she’s slowly turned towards Diego, who has an almost shy smile on his face. Then he lets her arm go.

“You can’t kiss a guy like that and then expect him to be able to think about anything else for the rest of the day,” he says softly, just about managing to meet her eyes.

Suddenly, his shyness makes her feel bold and she says with a bit of a smirk, “Yeah, and what kind of kiss is that?”

Diego’s smile brightens, and it’s a thing to behold, as he reaches his hand up, tucks her hair behind her ear and then leans in to gently suck on her jaw just below her ear.

Lila is almost embarrassed to hear herself gasp.

But then he moves to her lips and they kiss much more gently than earlier, and yet it's somehow hotter, as she puts her hands on his chest and Diego reaches the hand that’s not still on her neck to the small of her back and pulls her in closer.

Then he suddenly breaks the kiss and looks at her earnestly and Lila is worried for a moment before he says with mild curiosity, “So you gonna tell me what was in that package?”

Lila hesitates for a moment, then thinks he deserves the truth and also it might explain just how fucked she would have been if she hadn’t gone to such drastic measures.

“Dead goldfish.”

“Shit, you really are crazy,” he deadpans in response and Lila is about to protest but Diego leans back in and silences her with his lips and tongue.

#au_gust_2021 #fanfic #tua #the umbrella academy #diego hargreeves #lila pitts #dielila #diego x lila #diego/lila #lochrannn lxd au challenge

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sally-mun · 4 years ago

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I know I mentioned in another recent post that I really want to get back to doing my “shows,” but before I can get started I have a couple of other things to finish first, one of which is working on zines. The one I’m currently working on is a Ranma ½ zine, and it’s been an interesting experience -- both because of working on the zine itself, and because of my own history with this series.

That’s right, it’s time for another rip-roarin’ Sally-mun ramble!

My first encounter with Ranma ½ was on my 15th birthday. A friend of mine, one of the only other anime fans I knew because it was still relatively unknown in the US, got me the second graphic novel, which is as much as had been officially translated at the time. Going into the story with no context was confusing to say the least, but it also intrigued me enough to look up whatever info I could find on the few stray bits of internet that covered the series, and it was enough to get me hooked.

That said, I also had kind of a difficult time being a fan, because I honestly didn’t like Ranma himself. Like, at all. I found it confusing that the author would write the protagonist to be so blatantly and outwardly unlikable, and as a result I found myself just sort of looking past him and trying to follow the lives of the other characters. I was appalled at the sort of things he would say to Akane; his constant jabbing that she’s not cute, she’s stupid, no one will ever like her because she’s a tomboy, his frequent judgements of her body... I gotta say, they really resonated with me. I couldn’t help putting myself in Akane’s shoes, and in a weird way I felt personally hurt by his insults. I really admired Akane’s strength and the fact that she never let his bullying get to her, because I know it probably would’ve destroyed me. And this is just the way he treats her; I was equally uncomfortable with the way Ranma antagonizes and harasses several other characters in the series as well. I loved the series and I enjoyed following it, but there was always this uneasy feeling inside of me anytime Ranma opened his mouth.

The last time I read or watched this series was probably in my early 20′s. I worked really hard to track down all the DVD seasons (which were exceptionally rare and expensive at the time), and once I completed my set, I felt such a relief and satisfaction that I put the story down and, it turns out, I hadn’t picked it up again since. It’s been a decade or so since I was actively engaging with this series, so when I got accepted to work on this Ranma ½ zine, I’ll admit that there was a part of me that felt a mild degree of panic. Yes, I’m still a fan, but I’m not very deep in the weeds right now; I honestly wasn’t even sure if I could decently write the characters, including and especially Ranma himself. In fact, I realized, I didn’t want to write about Ranma. I didn’t want to write about a character that I probably wouldn’t willingly spend time with in real life.

In the end, however, none of that mattered, because I signed on with this zine and I needed to be an adult and honor that commitment. Since it’s been such a long time since I’ve read or watched this series anyway, I decided to binge on the anime again for the first time in all these years. And this is why I’m writing this long-ass post tonight, because even though I’m only a couple seasons in right now, I have been absolutely shocked to find that my perspective on this story has completely changed. My teenage self can’t even believe I’m saying this, but I seem to have switched sides. I now find Ranma extremely sympathetic, and Akane to be the bully.

Although there is still a part of me that feels for her when Ranma really digs in with his insults, it pales in comparison to how upset I get with Akane over her treatment of Ranma. The fact that she’ll purposefully go as far out of her way as possible to paint Ranma as a jerk is honestly something that’s interfering with my enjoyment of the show. She does have her nice moments here and there, but if any opportunity arises for Akane to scream about Ranma doing something allegedly reprehensible, she’ll take it -- no matter how many people point out the very simple and innocent alternate explanations.

With Akane relentlessly campaigning against him, it honestly comes as no surprise anymore that Ranma snaps at her and antagonizes her. It’s about all he can do to vent his frustrations sometimes, and if she’s going to depict him as a jerk no matter what, he may as well let off some steam in the process. Ranma’s situation is difficult enough just having to deal with his curse, but then to also get forcefully engaged to someone who intentionally sees the worst in him? If anything, I’m now surprised at how much he holds back. He could easily be as nasty to her as she is to him, but he actually takes it kind of easy on her, all things considered. And don’t forget, he rarely gets a break from her; they not only live together, but also go to school together. They’re in each other’s faces all the time. I’m pretty sure I’d have had a few choice things to say to her too if I were in his shoes.

It’s even more frustrating when you consider that she doesn’t even have a good reason TO be treating him this way. This all started because of a mishap that was nobody’s fault. Ranma’s not at fault, Akane’s not at fault, NO ONE is at fault here. Ranma had no reason to believe that anyone (let alone Akane) would walk in on him getting out of the bath, and Akane had no reason to think a boy would be in there. I’m sure she felt embarrassed and violated and wronged, and I DO feel for her in that regard, but that is not his fault. If, IF, IF we’re going to assign fault to anyone, it could honestly only be hers, because one could argue that Akane could’ve at least knocked or announced herself prior to joining Ranma (as a female) in the bath. Furthermore, she doesn’t even acknowledge that this mishap went both ways, as Ranma points out himself that she got a good long look at him, too. He was just as exposed as she was, but she immediately disregards his point and tells him “it’s different when a girl sees a boy,” whatever that means.

Akane is too stubborn to admit to herself that she’s the only one you even could assign blame to, too hypocritical to acknowledge that she wasn’t the only victim, and too immature to just let the damn thing go. It’s a really bad mix that becomes the driving force behind her relationship with him from day one. Akane wants retribution for the crime she’s convinced herself that Ranma committed, so she INSISTS that he’s a no-good pervert because she’s mad that no one was on her side that day. If she couldn’t convince them then, then by god she’s going to convince them eventually, which is why she just will not fucking stop trying to paint Ranma as a perverted jerk. She takes any opportunity she gets to show off his allegedly bad intentions, because to her it’s just another step closer to getting people to see she really was justified on that first day. And Ranma is forced to keep tolerating this, day in and day out, regardless of what he does or doesn’t do.

So what does all this mean?

I think this means that this series is exceptionally well-written, more than anything. At the time that I first discovered this series, I was only marginally younger than Akane herself. I related to her so strongly that I was only capable of seeing the situation from her side, and only able to relate to her emotions and her experiences. As I stated in the beginning, I felt like Ranma’s insults hurt me personally, rather than just empathizing with Akane for him hurting her. This tells me that, for all of her faults, Akane is exceptionally on-point for a girl in her mid-teens. Yes, she’s being immature and petty and unreasonable, but she’s also only 16. That’s how we are at that age, and sometimes it’s easy to forget about that once you grow past it. Teenage years are that shitty point in your life where you feel like you’re so sure that you’ve FINALLY got everything figured out, when in reality you aren’t even capable of understanding the depth of how much you don’t know. Akane holds her grudge against Ranma because she’s so sure she’s right, and she’s determined to find validation for that if it’s the last thing she does, because that’s how most of us viewed the world at 16.

But that’s one of the things that makes my revisit to this series so extraordinary: Akane’s not able to grow and change, but I am. I’ll never be able to view the series the same way I did as a teenager, because I’ve had so many new experiences and so much time to grow since then. I can certainly remember the point of view I had and why, but I’ll never actually have that same view again. I’ve learned so much more about the world, about people and relationships, about morals and ethics... all kinds of things that she can’t, because she’s necessarily frozen in time as a character in a story. Akane doesn’t get to evolve with her readers over the years, and it makes for a fascinating snapshot of where I was mentally and emotionally at that time.

I think the biggest and most critical difference between then and now is my self-esteem. When I first connected with this series, I had basically no love for myself and no confidence that anyone else would ever see anything valuable in me. I was in a place where it was not only very easy for words to hurt me, but for those words to stick with me, sometimes for years after the fact. Ranma, despite simply being a character in a book, was effortlessly able to hurt me on a particularly deep level because that’s how delicate I was at the time of reading it. He hurt me so much that I was completely unable to see his point of view; all I could see was someone being cruel for seemingly no reason, and as such I saw Akane’s treatment of him as completely justified.

20 years later, however, it now reads as a completely different story. I don’t share Akane’s kneejerk reaction to these situations anymore, and I’m more focused on thought process and reasoning. I’m more able to recognize when I’m missing information and need to investigate more, more accountable for when I’ve done something wrong, and more willing to let small things go. Hell, I have a better understanding of what “small things” even are. When I was Akane’s age, none of the incidents happening in the story seemed like small things, but now? Now I just don’t have time for that kind of minutia. It’s... wait for it... childish. Because teenagers are still children, no matter how much we didn’t want to admit it at that time.

But that’s part of the genius of how this series is written. Not only did I instantly fall into the same mental trap as Akane when I WAS her age, but now that I’m not anymore, I look back on it as just kids getting wrapped up in their microcosm of the world. No matter how much I get frustrated at Akane for being horrible to Ranma, I can’t not admit to myself that she’s not an adult yet, so in some way it’s me being the unreasonable one by trying to hold her to adult expectations. She’s still got a lot to learn because she’s still just a kid. I literally used to be just like her at one point in my life. If I was able to mature past that sort of behavior, then I’d like to think that, if Akane were able to age, then she probably would one day too.

#Ranma 1/2 #Akane Tendo #THIS WENT ON FOR A WHILE SORRY #might end up being an article later #we'll see

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incomprehensiblelentils · 4 years ago

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@dollsome-does-tumblr does this and opened it up to anyone and I am feeling chatty today SO!

Because I co-write a lot with my lovely wife, I might answer some questions including those co-written stories, or I might not, depends on how I feel when I get there.

name:

Megan but I go by Lentils most places on the internet, Shadowcrawler over on AO3

fandoms:

at the moment: MCU, especially Agents of SHIELD and Daredevil; Terminator: Dark Fate; Halt and Catch Fire. Oh and I wrote Dollhouse fanfics a thousand years ago. Sometimes I will watch a movie/show and think “those two girls should be gay” and bang out 2k of fic about it and then never write for that fandom again. (I THOUGHT this was going to be HACF but as it turns out, no, it’s not done with me yet.)

where you post:

AO3, at Shadowcrawler. I also have a tumblr @lentils-writes where theoretically I post links to fics/advertise them in the tags, because I used to be real precious about not putting porn on this blog, but fuck it.

most popular multi-chapter fic:

Co-written, it’s definitely mallverse, which is I think the reason most writers definitely hate us because it’s very long and there are a lot of tags lmao. The problem is that every tagged character HAS shown up in a significant fashion at some point so we can’t just...untag them! It doesn’t update weekly anymore because we’re exhausted by life lmao so at least there’s that???

As for a multi-chapter fic that was just me, I don’t tend to do that so much, so actually it’s say you will, my 3-chapter Endgame fix-it where Clint dies instead of Natasha and Natasha and Laura have a past. It actually has over 1000 hits which is very exciting! I feel like it’s...niche in a way that is frustrating but understandable lol. I put a lot of my heart into it and some people really liked it, so that’s gratifying.

favorite story you’ve written so far:

Co-written, I think our SHIELD Dollhouse AU is very underrated for the amount of work we put into it. Author bias evident here because I love Dollhouse warts and all, and it’s a lot of fun translating episode plots as well as the general trajectory of the show into stuff that will work with SHIELD characters. We don’t just rewrite episodes, we really try and rework them as needed. Also it features both Skimmons and my beloved rarepair Bobbi/Kara, though of course they won’t get together until later.

Of my own stuff, I’m still really really proud of the AU where Kara Palamas didn’t die. I think that was a pretty severe misstep of the show and I think I did a good job of fixing it. (I haven’t forgotten Kara, promise!)

fic you were nervous to post:

lolololol I wrote some uh. Terminator pornography last year and. They are very porny! I had co-written a bunch of smut obviously, but that was the first time I’d posted like, PWP all by myself on purpose??? and that was TERRIFYING. Also I was very nervous to post the Engame fix-it because that was my own personal goodbye/tribute to Natasha.

how you choose your titles:

They are always either song lyrics or jokes (such as Three Lawyers and a Baby, my Daredevil Accidental Baby Acquisition fic). My WIP docs are always titled either obvious shit like “RoseJannah horse girls” or memes like “what if we belonged to a fire cult and we fucked haha just kidding unless...?” or “Morgan has two mommies.”

do you outline?:

B and I typically outline for the co-written fics, although it’s more often chapter-by-chapter outlines since that’s how we write them. On occasion we’ve fully planned multi-chapter stuff out in advance but that’s less common. Oh and the one-shots are nearly always outlined as well, just to keep ourselves organized.

When I have written planned multi-chapter fics in the past I have used outlines - particularly for the Kara one and I had to do that for the SHIELD Kill Bill AU because I was trying to follow the format of the movie. For things that are allegedly supposed to be one-shots I almost never outline, which turns out to be a terrible idea when they inevitably balloon beyond my control and become 45k like say you will. That one, I wrote out a list of scenes I thought needed to be in it and then I wrote about 75% of those scenes and then I wrote a bunch more scenes I hadn’t planned for. Don’t be like me, kids!

complete fics:

According to AO3, 89 as of right now. Uh, you do not want me to list all of them, here’s a link, I guess!

in progress:

I don’t understand what the difference is between this question and the WIP questions lmao help????

posted WIPs that I have active plans to continue at this time:

Cowritten: mallverse as I said, and its femslash smut oneshots spinoff and character flashbacks spinoff and older characters/teachers spinoff (these get updated, uh, irregularly), the first half of a Piper/Snowflake SHIELD s7 fic that we are planning on finishing the second half of soonish, SHIELD Dollhouse AU, SHIELD Teen Beach AU, SHIELD Buffy AU. You may notice a pattern!

By myself, I have: Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas, a Terminator Hallmark Christmas fic that I ambitiously posted the first chapter of in 2019 and then lost steam immediately (I am going to go back to it sooner or later bc I had some cute ideas for it); the SHIELD Fate of the Furious AU that has one chapter to go and which I do intend on finishing eventually; Three Lawyers and a Little Lady, the Daredevil Accidentally Baby Acquisition AU that is literally just cute kidfic and poly avocados and which I have a bunch of ideas for and just need to buckle down and finish some.

posted WIPs that I have given up on:

Lol so there’s a Dollhouse Caroline/Bennett Doctor Who AU that I wrote purely as idfic and which nobody ever cared about except me, and I think that ship has sailed! RIP darlings. I also had an ongoing Skimmons series waaaay back when where I posted oneshots that were like missing scenes or gay readings for each s1 episode, and I just feel like it would be inauthentic to even try and finish it at this point. (It does include the first ever Skimmons fic to be posted on AO3! Really truly, there’s one fic that shows up as older but it’s an ongoing fic and was updated with the tag way after I posted mine.)

exchange fics due soon/unrevealed:

I haven’t done an exchange since like 2015 lololol I am so bad at them. I am currently working on finishing up my MCU Femslash bingo card, very late, and I do have plans for almost all of the remaining squares!

WIPs that live in my fanfic folder and are incomplete and who knows when they’ll be finished:

“RoseJannah horse girls,” which has been put on hold temporarily but is literally just Rose and Jannah being gay while riding orbaks

half of a Daisy/Gwen fic from Marvel Rising because I know they’re not making any more of those but I stg those two were really gay

multiple fics about Elise Nelson-Page including: avocados Halloween with smol Elise, Aunt Elektra very reluctantly taking smol Elise shopping until she realizes smol Elise also likes weapons (she buys her a fake katana), Uncle Frank is a pushover and spoils the shit out of Elise, and baby Elise has a high fever and everyone freaks out but then she gets better and smile at them for the first time (inspired by baby me lol).

coming soon/not yet started:

“Morgan has two mommies,” yet another Endgame fix-it where Maya Hansen did not die in Iron Man 3 and she resurfaces and she and Pepper kiss and eventually she adopts Morgan

Claire and Colleen go on a nice date to get coffee/tea where Danny doesn’t interrupt them goddammit

Bobbi/Kara Warehouse 13 AU which is sort of like “For the Team” but gayer ft. grappling hook

X-Men: Evolution Tabby/Amara fluff

Cameron/Donna character study disguised as smut

Grace proposes to Dani with a ring made out of the metal from her power source and Carl officiates the wedding

Dani gets horny watching Grace eat a peach and jerks off and Grace ends up hearing her and then they fuck (I have been calling this “the peach fic” in my head but I gotta stop being delicate about it lmfao it is just porn)

B and I have plans to do a Nico/Karolina Jasper in Deadland AU but we keep forgetting

I MUST WRITE FOGGY AND KAREN SADLY FUCKING IN A CHURCH WHILE THEY MOURN MATT THIS YEAR I STG

do you accept prompts:

uhhhhhh I have on occasion written a prompt for someone before but it’s pretty rare and I have enough trouble writing the shit I come up with in my own head lol. but never say never?

upcoming story you are most excited to write:

I’ve got a bit of the Bobbi/Kara Warehouse fic written and it’s nice to go back to that world. Also I’m weirdly excited about the Cam/Donna smutty character study I mentioned above, I have a lot of what I think are good ideas for it and it’ll be fun.

tagging @unwind-myself @swiftzeldas @swashbucklery @loved-the-stars-too-fondly and, if you want to, you!

#sometimes I write things

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mittensmorgul · 4 years ago

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I've watched season 11 again, and I have a question if you're willing to answer. In season 5, Cas was very disappointed about learning God was basically a "dead beat dad," as Dean called it. But when Cas had an opportunity to talk to Chuck, he didn't seem all that interested in talking to him or even asking a question or two. Why do you think they never had Cas interact with Chuck as a son talking to his father when it was such a huge deal for Cas in season 5?

Hi there! I’m happy to talk about this, because honestly I was personally GLAD that Cas treated Chuck the way he did in s11.

(A/N: I was halfway through writing this when my power went out last night, so now that everything is back on I’m gonna see if I remember wtf I was even talking about... if this goes sideways halfway through, blame Potomac Edison)

Cas had already realized long before exactly who and what Chuck was. I mean, not that Chuck was actually God, but that God and “His Plan” was always a load of BS.

Chuck left the angels a lot of conflicting information, and not a lot in the Free Will and Critical Thinking arena. I was just thinking about season 6, and this sort of feeds into a lot of the same distinction between Cas and the rest of the angels. My personal line of thinking earlier this evening was this line in 6.20:

CASTIEL I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you. DEAN Because of me. Yeah. You got to be kidding me. CASTIEL You're the one who taught me that freedom and free will -- DEAN You're a freakin' child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want doesn't mean that you get to do whatever you want!

Major Tangent Warning, because I gotta write out what I was thinking earlier in order to explain why I am So Pleased with Cas and his reaction to Chuck in s11, which I think of as abject disdain. This is key to everything Cas had learned, to all of his growth as a person up to that point.

What Dean tells Cas here is in direct contradiction to what Raphael’s self-stated motive in restarting the apocalypse was. Also from 6.20:

RAPHAEL You rebelled - against God, heaven, and me. Now you will atone. We'll start by freeing Lucifer and Michael from their cage. And then we'll get our show back on the road. CASTIEL Raphael...No. The Apocalypse doesn't have to be fought! RAPHAEL Of course it does. It's God's will. CASTIEL How can you say that?! RAPHAEL Because it's what I want. CASTIEL Well, the other angels won't let you. RAPHAEL Are you sure? You know better than anyone, Castiel. They're soldiers. They weren't built for freedom. They were built to follow.

Raphael is just doing “whatever he wants,” in the way Dean was trying to convince Cas NOT to. Because if Dean learns anything in s6, it is the cosmic cost of his own actions. Think 6.11, and the lessons he learns having to play Death for a day. As much as Dean tries to work around the Bigger Picture of the Universe, he does understand that there is a right and a wrong, and that some things are worth fighting or even dying for, but the cost might sometimes just be too great. And unleashing all the souls in purgatory on the planet seems like just a different sort of apocalyptic level of bad... like putting out a fire with a flamethrower.

Cas had to make a choice here. He’d chosen his path every step of the way, wrestled with each decision he’d had to make over the previous year leading up to that point, but he’d passed the point of no return, and his direct prayer to Chuck went unanswered, and he never got a sign whether he was doing the right thing or not.

I’ve argued in the past that he absolutely DID get a sign, in the form of Dean telling him to stop in 6.20. But Cas dismissed him, out of pride, out of hubris, out of desperation to do the one thing he believed could give him the power to stop Apocalypse 2.0, save Heaven, and also save Dean in the process, since Dean would be back on the radar to be Michael’s vessel if Raphael succeeded in breaking him out of the Cage.

And here’s the really tangenty part of the tangent: it just made me think of all the nitwits who won’t wear a mask in public, or follow social distancing rules because MAH FREEDUMB, you’re impinging on MAH LIBERTY. BUT THE CONSTITUTION!

Because yes, we can do what we want, but we can’t do WHATEVER we want when our actions are harmful to others!

The framers of the Constitution could never have foreseen a pandemic like this. But any SOCIETY where people must coexist needs to put some constraints on liberty, and the framers absolutely DID understand this.

They also couldn’t have foreseen air travel, but we have established rules about this. They couldn’t have foreseen cars and traffic lights and interstate highways, and yet we have rules that govern our behavior there, as well. Air traffic controllers, stop signs, speed limits-- we don’t just have the right to drive 90 mph through a school zone and run through red lights. And yet nobody yells BUT MAH FREEDUMB! when they get a speeding ticket.

Polite society ALSO must include *MY* right not to be killed because someone else decided that traffic laws didn’t apply to them, see?

Basically, wear your mask and shut up about it, whiny pissbabies. This is what is required of you to live in a functioning society. You do NOT have the right to infect others with a potentially deadly illness. Full stop.

But back to Cas and the Leviathan infection he’s about to infest the entire planet with...

Dean was effectively giving him the “wear a mask, nitwit” speech, but on a cosmic level.

And Cas had to live with the consequences of his choice, with the GUILT and DEPRESSION that resulted. And he spent the next few seasons desperately trying to make up for what he’d done, to atone and do whatever he could to redeem himself-- to Dean. He’d tried to redeem himself to Heaven, but the more he eventually began to learn about Humanity, the less affinity he felt for his fellow angels, and for Chuck’s construct of Heaven.

Because back to another previous point, Chuck effectively left the angels two opposing sets of instructions: orders to watch over the earth and act as shepherds to humanity, and orders to bring on the apocalypse at any cost. Can’t do both, truly. Even Naomi will eventually say, right before Metatron stabs her in the head, that she (and the other angels) forgot that their true mission was to protect and defend humanity, and she didn’t know when or why that ever changed.

FINALLY back to the point! WHEEE!

Basically, Cas has, in the six years between s5 and s11, experienced “god-ness” from every angle, experienced his own guilt over what he now believes were misguided actions, that sometimes Humanity has a better answer, and there are some things that just aren’t worth it in the long run.

Mostly, he’s realized just HOW deadbeat Chuck has always been. And the revelation that Chuck had actually been God all along? Saw their pain and suffering at trying to STOP the apocalypse all those years before? KNEW FULL WELL that Sam, Dean and Cas were doing everything they could to try and save the world from basically the entirety of Heaven and Hell, who were plotting the destruction of humanity and most of creation with it. I mean... Cas spent s5 begging for God’s help, to save the world, to convince Michael and Lucifer that they did not have to destroy humanity, and Chuck... had done LESS than nothing. He’d sat there and ghoulishly watched the entire mess unfold like a bad tv show... oh wait... :’D

By s11, Lucifer had not reached that point that Cas had. Lucifer had many other issues, having been rejected and locked up for most of existence, and even HE had been the one in 5.22 to try and talk Michael out of enacting Chuck’s battle plan. Lucifer never had the experiences Cas did (and despite being given every opportunity to have them over the next few seasons after s11, he continues to reject those experienced at every turn anyway, only serving to highlight the difference between Cas and, honestly, most of the rest of the angels). Lucifer had a personal need for a direct apology from Chuck for everything he’d been put through-- starting with taking on the original Mark and ending with the cage.

Of course Lucifer didn’t get an honest apology, because in the end, it was all just a theoretical production to Chuck. He had never apologized, in any of his universes, to any of the beings he created. And he never would. And on some level, Cas-- via his experiences, what he himself had already come to understand about God and creation-- already understood this about Chuck.

Cas... didn’t care about him anymore. He cared about HUMANITY, about Chuck’s CREATION. The creator might be a worthless jerk, but what came out of his creation is a thing of ultimate beauty. Humanity, love, free will, and the beauty of the universe is what ends up saving the world in 11.23, so I’ve chosen to accept this read of Cas and his relationship and opinions of Chuck. Because it’s perfectly in line with the “moral” of season 11.

Plus it’s just so personally satisfying to me watching each individual character’s reactions to Chuck, and understanding how that aligns with all of their personal arcs.

Dean: brought the “how could your forsake your creation” of a broken-hearted son who has finally seen the truth. something he worked out YEARS ago between himself and his own father, so it didn’t come with that particular personal baggage and didn’t completely break him in the process (as it may have done with Cas had Chuck revealed himself, say, in 7.01...)

Sam: brought his life-long hope that God was real, his faith in God’s inherent “goodness,” did the Chuck Fanboy for a bit before seeing Chuck a lot more clearly. He was able to relinquish his idol worship of Chuck as the Savior of Humanity.

Cas: had brought his experience of Humanity and Godhood, the entire spectrum of Creation that he had experienced for himself and grown through. Cas, for all his mistakes, had never stopped TRYING to do the right thing, never stopped doing everything in his power to save humanity and creation from every cosmic threat, while Chuck himself had only hidden away and watched from the sidelines, when he’d ALWAYS had the power to make everything good and right and allow the Winchesters their peace. Honestly, what BETTER response than to treat Chuck like a bit of gum stuck to his shoe?

Metatron: who had basically spent s9 trying to turn himself into Chuck Lite, literally plagiarizing his Supernatural novels to create his own origin story as the new God, and failed miserably. What other angel could truly confront Chuck, writer to writer, and call him out for His Story? Even fallen as low as he could go, Metatron understood first-hand the responsibility of The Cosmic Author in ways even Cas couldn’t, because narrative symmetry. Metatron was always about the Word, as God’s Scribe. He was a bad copy of the original with the names scratched out. He basically wrote the worst self-insert fanfic of all time. And that gave him the narrative space to confront Chuck about everything that Cas no longer had. Cas had long since rejected that role, sided with Humanity, and smashed Chuck’s Word. The original tablet-breaker.

Crowley: carried on Crowley-ing. Doing the best he could with what he had, and somehow miraculously BS’ing his way through.

Rowena: recognized the Biggest Power in the room and ingratiated herself to it for comfort and protection, and hopefully for a bit of power and security.

Billie: gosh she just stepped in at the 11th hour to annoy Chuck. :’D

But yeah, I’ve always been incredibly pleased that Cas basically ignored Chuck in s11. Good for him.

#spn 6.20 #spn 5.22 #spn 5.18 #spn 11.20 #spn 11.21 #spn 11.22 #spn 11.23 #spn 14.20 #castiel winchester #chuck's process #in the time of covid-19 #Anonymous

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jungnoir · 5 years ago

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𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡!𝐛𝐭𝐬;

bts but as witches in a coven. discuss

𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤𝐣𝐢𝐧: the supreme

ok not quite but he’s the most experienced in magic out of all the boys

his mother was a witch and she taught him everything he needed to know from birth to adulthood

his whole family is blessed with magic save for a few who didn’t get the gene but every family reunion they all dote on jin and talk about how powerful he’s become and how proud they are of him

the coven house where all of the boys stay is actually jin’s ancestor’s home from a long time ago

the place has brought up witches of all generations and jin was very eager to inherit it

while there’s definitely a lack of witches he’s been able to recruit, he loves his family of six so it doesn’t really bother him

he acts like he’s all serious but in reality he’s always casting spells on the youngins as tests (read: for fun)

jimin: why tf did you give me green skin

jin: if you had been paying attention during lessons you would know how to fix it :)

has definitely said this out of context more than once: ”any witch worth a broom handle knows how to get rid of poisonous snakes! you know back in my day…”

wears the flashiest outfits, but little do people know that they’re all homemade. he has a serious creative eye and seeks to make what simple human designers wish they could (taehyung is very eager to learn this talent from him)

goes all out on halloween with this talent too, creating uber realistic costumes

no he didn’t make a costume out of real human bones that year he went as a scarily realistic skeleton what are you talking about

no graves were robbed in the making of this outfit

if you couldn’t tell, his specialty is in glamours

honestly the guy should just tattoo “i’m a witch” across his forehead, he makes it so damn obvious

he openly practices magic too like it gives yoongi stress pains bc!! there’s still ppl who would very much like to burn witches still to this day!!! where is the self-preservation!!

jin doesn’t care. he’ll burn them right back. checkmate bitch

honestly charms anyone that comes in contact with him which is one of the things he never has to try at

the guys think he uses magic to do it but he’s honestly just, as jin would say, “born with it”

𝐲𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢: the right hand man

*namjoon voice* and who do we got here right now??? ˢᵘᵍᵃ!!!

when it comes to magic, yoongi is pretty neutral

an awfully interesting feeling to have given that seokjin has appointed him the heir of the coven in case anything happens to him

he’s not obsessed with magic like tae, hobi or kook

he doesn’t spend his time learning everything about it like namjoon

and he’s not playful with it like jimin and jin

yoongi just… acknowledges it. its like it exists as something he can do and he’s proud but he doesn’t really care if that makes sense

most of his friends outside of the coven are human too and he has no reservations about telling them what he is bc if they cause trouble he is more than prepared to take care of it

they’re usually like “wow so cool! i wish i was a witch” but yoongi really doesn’t care lmao

with or without magic, yoongi is the same: he loves music, he loves making music, and he loves being a musician

yoongi, however, is guilty of having used magic to make his music just right before

sometimes a note just doesn’t sit with him right and it’s driving him insane

or maybe the bass doesn’t hit hard enough

he charms his music in a way that when one listens to it, they feel exactly what yoongi wants them to feel

people are always telling him he has a real gift in music and while he most certainly does, he feels he has to give credit to his magic for helping him along sometimes

but then seokjin will be like “isn’t magic your talent too? aren’t you just exercising it when you charm your music? it’s not like you can only make music well. you should give yourself props for your magic too”

it’s just. weird to him because he’s seen how much magic can corrupt people in much higher positions than himself and it’s Terrifying

he wants to know that no matter what he makes, it’s his and his alone, not attributed to any otherworldly advantage

this just kind of contributes to his need to be as detached from magic as possible

he’s too cheap to buy one of those coffee makers that automatically start brewing at a certain time in the morning and just uses magic to do it instead

“yoongi do you want me to buy you a new coffee maker for your birthday? they have ones that do all the work for you now-” “no”

he has to be extra, okay namjoon

jimin teases him sometimes but yoongi knows it’s all out of love

jimin understands yoongi in a way, and while the others are always like “yoongi you should have more fun with your magic!” jimin is always like “no no no, let him be”

besides yoongi could probably smoke all of them in a battle of magic if it came down to it lol

𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤: the perfectionist

HERE HE IS!!! ITS HE

hoseok is probably one of the most talented witches in the coven

hoseok is a perfectionist to a t so if he feels insecure about how he’s doing a certain spell he will do it over and over and over until he’s got it right which makes him a pretty formidable opponent

like even the boys wouldn’t go up against him bc they know they’re just gonna get their ass handed to them

he’s a sweetie tho and very light-hearted and he never lets his power get to his head

he mainly uses it to bother the others tbh

also uses magic to give himself and the boys cool ass hair colors

currently he’s obsessed with this orange he’s got going on

calls it “pumpkin spice” bc it angers yoongi

“it really brings out the burnt sunset hues of a pumpkin ya know? or like a mix of changing fall colors, like golden crisp and warm crimson” “it’s fucking orange” yoongi can be heard chiming in from somewhere else in the house

but don’t get me wrong, hoseok loves himself some yoongi and vice versa

yoongi taught hoseok directly bc yoongi was the one that found hoseok

he was just an average college student and wasn’t really finding a will to live outside of paying off his student debts

he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life and was pretty dead inside, working at a cafe and serving coffee to other dead inside college students when yoongi came in and sensed his strong magical aura

yoongi kinda forced hoseok’s magic out of him by tossing a cup of steaming hot coffee to the floor, causing hoseok to freeze the entire cafe in time, save for the two of them. yoongi told him what he was and the rest was history

now that it’s been so long hoseok still gets upset that yoongi was willing to break one of the cafe’s mugs to prove a point

because of course, when time unfroze, the mug fuckin shattered all over the place what a fuckin jerk guess who’s going to have to clean that up does he really have no respect for retail workers seriou

seokjin also was opposed to yoongi’s method but since it resulted in hobi joining their coven, he can’t be too mad

it was hoseok’s natural ability that yoongi was able to help hone, and when hoseok found a love for it, he took it upon himself to be the absolute best witch he could be

hoseok’s power of stopping time is uniquely his own and he’s worked hard to perfect it

sometimes he just stops time to stop it

hob: *freezes a movie theater right before something dramatic happens on screen* hold on yall I gotta piss real quick

freezing time is also super helpful during *cough* stressful exams* cough*

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧: the scholar

he knows…. everything

not only did he do the reading, he did an 8 page analysis on it and corrected a few mistakes too

namjoon was aware of his witchy nature even from the moment he was a little kid, and his parents were both human and a bit scared for him since they didn’t know how to handle it, but they gave him the option of pursuing magic or not. they made sure to do all their own research into where witches could go to hone their craft just in case

in the end, namjoon grew curious and started reading books about magic and magical things

tho he didn’t actually start using his power until his mid teens

by then he was a bit shaky with it, but he knew a lot and was very determined so he got the hang of it very quickly

rarely uses his magic outside of it being necessary tho bc he’s gone so long without having to use it that he doesn’t rely on it for anything

he also likes to be independent from his magic in a way

while magic is very much a part of him and his being, he doesn’t want it to be like a crutch, you know? his biggest fear is losing his magic, bc he’s heard it can happen

he’s also aware that some witches lose important life skills and miss out on opportunities to build their character bc they’re so used to being able to just magic their way out of a situation

went from student to teacher real quick

teaches the other boys how to properly say incantations

“its levios-ah not levios-ar”

actually?? a pretty scary dude when it comes to using his magic for real

don’t put him in a situation where someone is getting hurt because he will not go easy on the aggressor. the other boys can attest to this too, having been saved by him far too many times than is acceptable in namjoon’s eyes

basically dont fuck with namjoon’s boys or u gon die

does cute things for the boys on their birthdays with magic

one time taehyung was sad that it wasn’t snowing on his birthday so namjoon made it snow for hours

may have fucked up the climate a lil bit

yoongi almost lost a toe

namjoon frequents a library and whenever a lil kid is struggling to reach a book he uses his magic to drift the book down to the little kid and when the kid looks at him in awe he just presses his finger to his lips and winks at them

flirts using his extreme wicca knowledge, of which is either a major turn off or a major turn on. you decide

𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧: the reluctant

jimin loves magic, but it wasn’t always like that

jimin kinda struggled with accepting his magical abilities at a young age bc he was really confused

like why wasn’t he just like everyone else? why did he have to be a witch? why did he have to have magic when he could’ve just been normal?

he often rejected it, never bothering to learn anything even to impress the family at reunions

but as he grew older, his parents grew worried he’d hate his magic and never use it again, putting him in a vulnerable position if his magic were ever to just come out when jimin isn’t in a place to control it, so they let him meet a slightly older witch that could help mentor him

his parents would’ve done it but jimin hardly ever listened to his parents about magic and they wanted to show him there were witches his age that were amazing people and embraced it, that it didn’t take away from jimin’s life but in fact added to it

in comes yoongi

yoongi, at first, really pities jimin

he understands the struggle between wanting to be normal and dealing with a part of his identity that won’t ever go away

where yoongi is concerned, that struggle for him was that he wanted to be himself regardless of being talented in magic. jimin... just hates it

but then jimin starts bashing magic and witches and he’s about to get angry at his parents for trying to force him into being a witch when yoongi just,,, slaps him upside the head

jimin’s shocked and yoongi is just like “respect your parents kid, they’re looking out for you. just because you don’t use your magic doesn’t mean people won’t know you’re a witch. its dangerous for a witch to go around with magic and not know how to use it”

jimin is shocked. he never thought of it that way

jimin feels embarrassed all of a sudden and apologizes and then yoongi cracks a smile and he’s like “no biggie kid, i’m just here to teach you the basics of magic and then i’ll be out of your hair”

jimin finds that learning magic with yoongi is really fun and soon he’s asking to be apart of the coven and embracing being a witch

he becomes carefree with it, like it’s another part of him, and he’s still kinda inexperienced, but he’s learning a lot from yoongi and namjoon

loves playing with temperature

the boys make him freeze their drinks for him, or ask him to heat up some popcorn while they’re all sprawled out on the couch on movie night bc no one feels like waiting two minutes for it to cook in the microwave

makes the water in the shower cold whenever one of the boys is taking way too fucking long in there which is Everyday

also jimin: *hitting on someone at the bar* *makes the room slightly warmer* “is it hot in here or is it just you?”

relates everything he learns back to naruto in some way, much to everyone’s complete and utter confusion

he just really kins the guy i guess

100% owns every single witch pun shirt known to man

“witch please” “witches do it better” “this is my resting witch face”

jungkook: by all means jimin why don’t you just burn us all at the stake yourself

it’s ok tho bc it’s his own little way of owning his identity, and if you want to avoid having your fingers frozen off, you’ll be sure not to step to him any kind of way

𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐠: the transcendent

my favorite witch!!! i wrote this whole thing for him

tae is like jin in that his whole family is magical and he grew up surrounded by magic his whole life

in fact, he’s so familiar with magic that he’s kind of sick of it (no he isn’t (most of the time))

taehyung is unique with his magic bc he’s actually able to transcend realms oooh~

the information on how many realms and parallel universes and such are limited as hell so taehyung actively helps broaden that knowledge as he travels, a very Dangerous and Scary job to anybody else

but to him he’s like!! fuck yeah astral projection!

basically, he’s able to put himself into a deep sleep where he moves through different realms, some more or less magical than the others

he’s so good at it that he can project himself into someone else’s dreams too

he’s basically capable of seeing more than most magical beings, and he can perceive spirits easily, as well as being able to actually see a magical aura around someone

so for instance, if a witch who didn’t know they were a witch walked into a bar, he’d know what they were instantly. besides the general intuitive feeling that most witches get, he can see the auras physically, like swarming tendrils of smoke unique to every person

each aura feels and looks different than others which makes it easy for him to point out shape shifters and vampires and werewolves and all the other guys pretty easily

bc of this ability, taehyung also likes to mess with the boys like everyone else lol

“tae, i just saw the most beautiful-” “they’re actually an ogre in disguise” “WHAT”

“man my english teacher is a witch” “she actually is”

in case you couldn’t tell tae’s favorite victim is jungkook

casually tells people he’s a witch just for the #reactions

if you’re wondering, no. nobody in this coven cares about keeping this shit a secret

since he’s more sensitive to dreaming, a lot of his dreams leave him incredibly emotional because sometimes he really is there

he once had a dream where all magical beings were universally accepted in the world and were loved and happy and woke up sobbing into jimin’s lap

also nightmares take a HUGE toll on him so his sleep pattern is fucked for real

usually ends up eating cake with jin in the dining room at four am and talking about life together to get the nightmares off tae’s mind

tae uses his magic on humans in a different way. like he doesn’t prank them that much, but rather manipulates their moods. he tries to charm anyone he comes in contact with to make them happy or to make them giggly

he wants to use his magic for good, because it often leaves a very painful burden on him in turn

𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤: the prodigy

honestly i feel like if jungkook was a witch he’d probably be an underdeveloped one, you feel?

he finds out his power late bc either his family didn’t know (they’re all human) or they just didn’t tell him in hopes of him never becoming one

but jungkook is being bullied by some guys in his grade and they corner him after school one day and jungkook gets so frustrated that he just,,, makes them all start uncontrollably burping

as dumb as it is, those kids never bother jungkook again

when he does get a hang of it, jungkook probably uses his magic for fun more often than not

jungkook is recruited by jin for this very reason. he catches jungkook messing with old people at the park on his afternoon runs and he’s like this kid is such a brat. i want him

jungkook is SUCH a fast learner holy shit

he goes to namjoon for every little question, to the point where namjoon is positive he’s become a better witch simply because jungkook has prepared him for any fuckin scenario known to man

he also makes himself float upside down in the kitchen at night so when hoseok comes down for a glass of water he almost pisses himself

“haha did i scare you”

cue hoseok making jungkook fall down as he mumbles “little shit” under his breath

halloween is his favorite time of year and he likes to pull harmless pranks on the kiddies while scaring the mean teenagers ruining all of the children’s fun

like he sees this guy in a deformed mask holding a plastic knife about to scare a little boy so Jungkook just gives the dude a wedgie with his magic

all the kids are laughing at him and jungkook just smirks

honestly he doesn’t like reading about magic as much as he likes just doing it from intuition/namjoon’s instruction. he’s a lot like hoseok in that he has a lot of natural talent but not a lot of proper training when he first starts honing his ability

since jin yoongi and namjoon are in charge of teaching magic they all hound on him like “did u do the reading”

jungkook maybe glosses over everything and then just over-performs as compensation

they get on him abt it but there’s no lying about it, jungkook is a strong witch on his own

he hasn’t gotten a special manifestation of his magic Just Yet but he only gets stronger as he goes. the more he applies himself, the stronger he grows

#majwrites #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts headcanons #bts au #witch!bts #witch au #bts #been in the drafts for far too long

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pinkykitten · 5 years ago

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Hairspray pt. 1

Stranger Things

Billy Hargrove x plus size! female reader

Warning: curse words, body-shaming, things get a lil steamy at the end

Specifics: comedy, angst, fluff, romance, chapter fic, race neutral reader, plus size reader, chubby reader, pictures

People: billy hargrove, nancy wheeler, jonathan byers, heather, your dad, your mother, amber (bully, oc)

Words: 4,089

Summary: Based on Bell’s 2.5k Challenge, @acciosnapes. Being rich was tough. Your parents expected so much out of you; they expected you to be perfect. Owning practically all of Hawkins, Indiana; they perceived themselves to be above everyone else. Having that thinking made you alone, as you were not allowed to hang out with people beneath you. 4th of July of 1985 holds the fair for Independence day. You had feelings for a certain bad boy and if luck comes your way you may tell him the truth and who knows maybe he’ll even ask you to the fair. During those moments though, you will have to endure top secret evil science labs and experiments. You will uncover Hawkins secrets, make friends and who knows maybe break a couple of rules.

Authors Note: y/f/n = your father’s name

y/m/n = your mother’s name

this is the first part of the chapter fics hairpsray. this is for a challenge and i love this so much. i love writing confident plus size characters and readers. the aesthetic was made by me and the beginning to the end of this fic i got inspired by hairpsray 2007 by the start of the movie all the way to miss baltimore crabs number. i put an amber in here like the movie and some quotes and dialogue is taken from the movie hairspray, lets see if u guys can figure it out. anywho i love this hope u love it and im so happy i did this challenge there will be more so check out for this series and im excited to show u guys. yay!

The summer of 1985. It was hot and sticky outside. The cicadas singing as they made their way near you home. You were excited. You were going to, no matter who tried to stop you, get a job.

It very well likely might not have made sense to anyone. You were rich. Grew up with a golden spoon in your mouth. You never knew life to be hard. Every little thing was given to you, whether it be toys, dresses, makeup, you had it all. At least thats what your parents thought. Your father was basically equal with the Mayor. The two helped each other out with smart work and of course the dirty work. Y/f/n thought you didn’t know but you sniffed out the clues and put them together. You knew your father was no innocent man. He played his cards right to get this money, not earn it. And y/m/n, just followed your father around like a lost puppy. You could see the kindness in her sometimes but she always listened to your father.

What your parents didn’t know was you were searching for something more important. Something that meant a whole lot to you. Money didn’t matter. You didn’t want that life. You wanted to be independent and be able to make mistakes and live life. Your parents always disciplined you on peers. You were not allowed to be with low lives; people who weren't as successful as your family. But all the friends your parents wanted you to love were snobs and thought so highly of themselves. You wanted to get away from that life. Your whole life was planned out for you. You are forever and always this pretty, perfect sweet girl who follows rules even though sometimes you didn’t feel those things.

You woke up to the sun beating down on your face. You rolled around on your pastel pink king sized bed. Groaning, as you subconsciously hit your alarm clock but noticing you were awoken before its ring.

“Hmm, thats never happened before.”

You stretch as you jump out of bed to start your first day of work. You would never tell your parents. They would never understand and probably make excuses to stop you. You were going to try to get hired at Hawkins Community Pool. It was a risky decision based on your size. You were plus sized and adored it! You felt on top of the world most times and never cared what anyone thought. But there were times where you did get down from comments but you still pushed ahead and loved yourself. You were willing to give the lifeguard gig a chance and there was a plus side. Your crush Billy Hargrove was there. You just hoped you could entice him enough to give you a go.

You scrambled to your feet as you raced to your phone. You dialed your best friend Nancy’s number. You had to keep the relationship a secret. If your parents knew about your friendship they probably would flip. You knew about all the secrets of the kids and Hawkins lab. Nancy felt guilty not telling you so she spilled the beans about everything to you. About Eleven, the monsters, scientists. It sounded unreal but you knew Nancy would never lie to you.

“Hey Nance, are we still on for the mall today?” You asked, twirling the cable with your fingers.

On the other side you could hear Nancy struggling, “yep we’re still on. Sorry I’m running late to my first day of work.”

“Oh yeah its today. What are you gonna be doing again?”

Nancy made a yelp as the phone was muffled, “sorry I just slipped putting on my dress.” Just as Nancy said that you could hear Jonathan’s voice in the background.

“No way!” You squealed. “Did you sleep with Jonathan?”

Nancy giggled, “...sorta...kinda...yeah.”

“You naughty girl!”

“Whatever!”

“Tell him I said hi,” you said.

“Oh my god y/n, you’re unbelievable but I gotta go now.”

“Wait? Are you still coming with me to get my bathing suit?”

“Like I would miss this. Y/n’s first job and pretty much your first time being a independent young lady. Y/n, we’re definitely going to celebrate!” She hanged up the phone and you got dressed for the day.

You went to the living room and turned on the tv. “Good morning Hawkins, Indiana.” The news man and lady said as they raised their morning cup of coffee to the viewers.

You skipped around the kitchen finding something to eat. Humming a tune you couldn’t get out of your head as it was a song you made up.

“I love you Hawkins, and someday when I take to the world, the worlds gonna wake up see. Hawkins and me,” you sang as you were stopped by your father.

“Why are you so jumpy this morning?” He wore a scowl on his face.

You shrugged, “nothing in particular dad.” You kissed him on the cheek. Your mother walked in swatting your hand as you were about to make breakfast for yourself.

“The maids can get it honey,” she said as the maid ran in and got started in cooking you your favorite.

You rolled your eyes as you got your bag, “you know I think I’ll just eat on the road. I’ll pick up something on the side.”

“Honey, make sure its nothing greasy,” your mother said. “You have to try to back away from foods, remember.”

“You remind me everyday mother.” Your parents always pointed out the fact that you were bigger than most girls your age. They always tried to put you on diets and workouts but nothing worked. It didn’t work because you didn’t want it to work. You were totally fine with your body and wish they could see what you saw.

Finishing the rest of your corn dog from the food court you awaited on Nancy by the store. Checking your time you knew Nancy was supposed to be here.

“C’mon Nance, where are you?”

Finally she showed up from around the corner. Her hair all disheveled. It looks as if she was rushed.

“Hey there best friend...you okay?” You asked, hugging her as she came up.

She waved your question off. “It can wait. So what are you thinking of getting? Whats your vision?”

“Well,” you said as you entered into the tiny shop. Women of all sizes were there but you can see the look of disappointment on many of the bigger girls faces. There was barely anything there for them. You looked through the clearance for “Big Girls” it read on the sign. “since I have to make a good impression, I’m going to wear something sexy but also professional. I don’t want to look like no stripper.”

Nancy chuckled, “right. Also isn’t this swimsuit for only this time cause you have to wear their red one while you work there.”

“Correct. Like I said though I want them to see I am trying and I am not going to half-as* it.”

“How bout this one?” Nancy said as she brought out a blue one. It had sequins on it; very beautiful. But it was too sexual. The breast area was very much wide and open. The back showed too much butt. “What do you think about this?”

“Don’t get me wrong its super pretty but like I said; I need to look professional. Plus there’s gonna be kids there.”

“I gotcha. Sorry I maybe just want everyone to pass out when they see my friend.”

“Oh I bet everyone will, even if I don’t wear anything sexual. They’re probably gonna be like agghhh an earthquake when they see me walking in and I’ll respond like, you bet b*tch.”

Nancy laughed.

“How bout this one?” You pulled out a Hawaiian one. It was pretty but more for old ladies and it was boring.

“Okay yeah sure...for my nana!”

“Well how do you know me and your nana don’t have the same taste?”

“Look you need something more than that. Like you said, making a statement.”

You bit your lip, “man this harder than I thought. I’m kind scared to be honest about doing this. Like I think the last time I ever got this scared was when they announced the new coke.”

Nancy tried her hardest to hold back a giggle, “why are you scared?”

“Picture this, what if a stranger hands me a blunt and you know I’m curious by nature and I accept it? What in the world will Billy think? He’ll probably think I’m like a druggie 24/7!”

“First off, that is the oddest situation I’ve ever heard of. Second, is this your weird way of saying what if Billy doesn’t like you?”

“No I know he’ll like me sexually but I mean platonically. What if he doesn’t want to be like a normal couple and hang out? What if he’s ashamed to be with me? These are good questions.”

Nancy held your hand, “than he’s the jerk I always thought him to be and you’re too good for him.”

You nodded, “I mean I’m too good for him now but in that moment, if he’s a d*ck then I will be 10 times better than him. So any ways...how was work?”

Nancy rolled her eyes and looks down, “I kinda don’t want to talk about it.”

“What? What happened? Am I gonna have to slap a b*tch?” You became territorial and overprotective of your friend.

“No, no, no its just, the men at work sorta treat me like I’m dumb and that I’m not really of use to this type of work. I guess cause they see me as a woman they think they can take advantage of me. They make fun of myey/n. In front of everyone. Its bull sh*t.” Nancy almost looked as if she wanted to cry.

“Hey its okay. This is your first day. People are going to be jack as*es but you listen to me. Whenever any one has talked about me differently or made fun of me because of my weight or whatever I either laugh with them, ignore them, or say something smart back to them. There are ways that we women can stand up for ourselves without having to insult or hurt someone physically.”

“Its just easier said than done. But I’ve got a lead. A lady called me today about diseased rats. I think that maybe this is my chance to be a journalist like I’ve always wanted to be.”

You clapped her on the back, “atta girl. You take that chance. You take it right in your hand and never let it go. No matter what they tell, or do to you; you have the right, the power. Use it Nancy. Use your voice.”

Nancy smiled and picked out an orange swimsuit. You didn’t care if people called you an actual orange; all you saw was perfection.

“How bout this one y/n?”

“Thats the one Nancy. Its perfect!”

“Hey pancake y/n and Nancy drew,” Amber, your arch nemesis. The bully, the b*tch of the town walked up to you two. Her high heels clicked as they met with the floor. Her skirt was so short you could almost see her goodies from up high. Her makeup was too overdone and her blonde hair was as perfect as Tom Cruise’s abs. She snickered as she saw you hold up your swimsuit to pay. “And you’re gonna wear that? Where are you going? To the Hawkins pool?”

“Yes as a matter of fact I am. Thanks for you looking out for me...Amber.” You said as you walked right by her; nudging her lightly. “Now I don’t wanna get there late so if you excuse me-”

“Oh sorry, too skinny of a space?”

“Amber-” Nancy started but you waved a hand out to her.

“No its okay Nance. She’s right, it was too skinny for my delicious body.” You shrugged.

Amber motioned closer to you. Her foot stepping on yours. “Are you going to the pool to see Billy?”

You almost forgot. Rumor had it that Amber was going to try all Summer to get with Billy but so far you heard he was single and you sure as he*l were not going to miss the opportunity.

“Well I mean I will see him whether I want to or not. He kind works there.”

“I’m not talking about that fat-a*s. I’m saying are you doing all this. Wanting to work there just because he’s there?”

“Wow Amber! I didn’t realize you were my mother. Congratulations! Now shall I tell you about all my business?”

Amber snarled, “I swear to God if you try anything with Billy I will hunt you down. If you think for a moment that he would ever like someone like you? You are completely and utterly stupid. Know your place and be careful... you might stop traffic in that.” Amber chuckled as she walked away. Her butt swaying as she tried to show you she was better than you.

“Yeah well I have a better a*s than you!”

Nancy shook her head as she led you to the register, “C’mon y/n, lets just go.”

Did that little interaction ever stop you?

Never! You still went with your plan. Get this job in order to get your Billy. It was plain and simple. And also to prove to yourself and your parents that you can do things on your own and you didn’t need anyone.

Nancy dropped you off. You got changed in the bathroom and knew it just turned into Billy’s shift. You met with the other kids at the front desk. As they saw you they laughed. “Well, well, well if it isn’t y/n l/n, the rich girl. What can we do you for?”

As you were about to speak one of the boys put his hand up, “I’m sorry but we don’t have any gold bars here at the moment. Maybe you’ll have to ask the President of the United States.”

You glared at the boy and were silent. The boy thought he broke you and you acted very suspicious. Suddenly you laughed, “yeah well maybe I’ll go ask your dad since he seems to pay me every time I’m with him.” You of course knew it wasn’t true. You had never even slept with anyone before heck with his dad. It was all for games.

The others hollered out loudly at your come back and the boy stood back flushed.

“Now I want to work here and I think I deserve a resume. I see your sign that you are hiring so what do I have to do here folks?” You clapped your hands.

A girl named Heather walked by and heard your conversation. “Y/n, right?”

“Thats me.” You shook her hand.

“Awesome, yeah I remember your call. You wanted a job here?”

“Correct again.”

“Well around here we do things differently. In order to get the job we need to see your walk.”

“My what?”

“Your walk.” The other teens tried to stifle their laughter. “Thats the most important step. We need to see how you walk in order to get to your post.”

“Oh okay for a minute I thought you wanted me to walk on water or something.”

Heather rolled her eyes. “No. I need to see how you do and then we can talk and I can give you a resume.”

“Wait. You’re the one who conducts the interviews around here and stuff like that?”

Heather nodded. Lying.

“Cool so when do I start the walk?”

“Now!” Heather pushed you into the open.

“Oh okay,” you were shy at first but then conducted yourself. The sun shone on your skin deliciously making your skin glow. You looked at your surroundings. A lot of kids. A chubby kid running, which you knew was a no-no. The other side, near Billy was, “Mrs. Wheeler? What in the world is she doing looking at Billy like that?” You felt anger erupt within you. Yes, you were a little jealous. Even though their relationship was extremely wrong you still felt jealous. You proceeded to walk. Not caring if anything budged out, jiggled, nothing. You felt sexy, beautiful and that’s all that mattered.

You shook your hips as you walked up to the chair. You had talked to Billy before but never a full out conversation. It was little ones. Billy stood right by the chair, talking to Mrs. Wheeler. As you showed up Billy looked at you straight in the eye. You bit your lip winking at him. Billy then looked all over you, raising his brow. He licked his lips.

“Hi y/n,” he said all suave; putting his hand out to stop Mrs. Wheeler’s conversation, interrupting her.

“Hi Billy, hello Mrs. Wheeler.”

Mrs. Wheeler seemed angry so she sat back down in the sun.

“Well, well, well, what are you doing here?” Billy asked as he leaned against the lifeguard chair.

“Well I heard y’all were hiring. I saw in the newspaper that they’re making another lifeguard here, coinciding with the first one of course. Heard it gets hectic around here.”

Billy chewed on a toothpick as he came closer to you, smirking. His eyes seeming almost a sea green when it hit the sun. “Yeah it sure does get hectic around here, but I think with you around; things will get more hectic. Trust me.”

“Will it be by your doing?” You got closer as well. Playing his games.

“I don’t know, might be.”

“Got any more bigger girls like me around here?”

“No just the one and only you.”

“Oh so you were looking?” You didn’t mind that he called you bigger or when someone called you fat. It was the truth and you learned to love those words.

“Is that a bad thing?” Billy asked as his eyes scanned all over you once more. His eyes became lustful.

“No, I mean you might as well learn what a real woman looks like. I guess I’ll be making history around here. Y/n l/n, the first lifeguard that is really and surely a-”

“Whole lotta woman,” Billy said as his voice came out raspy and more of a moan.

Your knees were becoming weak. “Thats right.”

“Alright miss making history. Why do you want this job? Aren’t your parents rich? Doesn’t your dad work with the mayor?”

“Yep but I feel as a young lady, I need to learn and live.”

“Don’t worry you’ll learn all those things here; I’ll make sure I’ll teach you.” Billy said as he touched your arm, sending electricity coursing through your veins.

“So Billy Hargrove will be my lifeguard teacher, huh? Not bad. But...will you ever need to punish me?”

Billy looked shocked as you said that and laughed. He inched closer to you until his plump lips landed on your ear, “only when you’re being a bad girl.”

It took everything out of you not to moan right there. You coughed as you tried to act natural again. Billy got you good.

“Bashful much?”

“More like turned on,” you muttered not knowing Billy heard as he smiled wide. You turned around and walked straight back to Heather. Your a*s shaking a lot as you walked back making Billy almost have a heart attack. There was no way he was going to go through summer without you.

“So how’d I do?” You questioned Heather. Excited to hear the news.

“Well...it was okay.”

“Okay?”

“You weren’t supposed to talk to anyone yet.”

“Um, its a community pool. Everyone's talking.” You said.

“No we mean when you were talking to Billy. You see a lot of the girls here like him. And we can’t have you jeopardizing their chances and scaring Billy if you know what I mean.” Heather said as she winced.

Billy had wanted to hear the news about you working here and stood nearby; hearing the whole conversation.

Your eyes widened, “no I’m sorry I don’t know what you mean?”

“Its just with your rich parents and well your weight for another thing we feel as its just too much...stuff for this job requirement.”

“So you’re basically saying I’m too fat and rich for a small summer job?”

Heather tried not to laugh as the other kids in the office did. You rolled your eyes. “And all this walk and stuff, that was fake too I suppose.”

Heather couldn’t control herself. She bursted out laughing. “You’re totally right! And you fell for it!”

You tried your hardest not to let them get to you. Not to cry. But it was difficult. They embarrassed you, hurt your feelings, rejected you because of your weight and life. You felt like you could get nowhere with them.

You smiled, “thank you for your time guys.”

“Whatever!” Heather waved you off.

Billy on the other hand was furious. He knew what it mean to be treated differently and to be hurt. He wanted to stand up for you but he was scared he would lose his job.

You walked away and Billy walked up to Heather. “Hey, why do you have to be so cruel?”

“Says the guy who literally bullys everyone. What makes y/n any different?”

“Maybe its because she’s not a b*tch. Like some people are.” Billy walked away to get back to work but he could not for the life of him stop thinking about you. You clouded his brain all day.

You walked home. Thinking about all that was said to you today. You had high hopes of getting the job but now you didn’t know where to go. Crashing onto your bed you cried onto your pillow. Your mother was out shopping with a group of her rich friends and your father was helping the Mayor out with the 4th of July fair. They didn’t care how you felt that day. When someone hurt you. They only cared about themselves.

Your phone rang and it was Nancy. You sniffled your tears, wiping your face, “hello Nance. Whats up?”

“Hey y/n oh my god you’re not going to believe it! I got a lead on the rats! Me and Jonathan went to go check it out at Mrs. Driscoll. She showed us her basement and all the fertilizer bags had holes in them from the rats. She said that maybe they had rabies and wanted us to notify the public but y/n when I got a good look at these rats it was not like the norm.”

“What do you mean?” You sat up.

“What I mean is that these rats were like having a convulsion. They were acting really strange. Like crazy, I’m gonna investigate more tomorrow and then maybe just maybe the guys at my work will actually take me seriously.”

“You show them! But be careful okay, I don’t want you or Jonathan to loose your jobs. Pursue this story your way.”

“Thanks. Hey what about you? How did things go for your lifeguard summer adventure? And what about Billy? Oh my god did he see you that? He probably had such a big boner-”

“Nancy!” You started to cry again. “I didn’t get the job.”

“What the h*ll do you mean? Do I have to smack a b*tch?”

You chuckled lightly, “no its nothing like that or what I mean is theres nothing you can do. I went in and they pranked me and called me names and pretty much made fun of me saying that I couldn’t work there because I was rich and fat.”

“So? Who the h*ll cares? Jesus, I hate people.”

“Me too, but never you.” You sighed.

“You know what you do?”

“What Nancy? I tried everything-”

“You try again! Go tomorrow and wear their attire their red swimsuits and show them that you are not playing around. Make them see that you are the woman for the job. You are an amazing person y/n, show them and show Billy.”

You wiped your tears away and got the boost you needed. “You’re right Nance, thanks. I’m gonna keep trying until I have done all that I can.”

“Yeah and if not there is a new mall that you could work at and really anywhere. People would be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks Nancy. You always know how to make me feel better.” You hanged up the phone and got a good nights rest for the next day where you would try your hardest to achieve something you so badly wanted.

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag)

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

also if you wanna be tagged in the series hairspray, comment :)

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macklives · 5 years ago

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session 81 end

wow, okay, first things first

AC!!!!!

shes so fucking cute holy shit i love her so much i dont even know where to begin??

i mean i guess its because im so used to troll snark and the way they just? banter constantly? seeing someone who is a literal ray of sunshine is so refreshing and wholesome and pure. god she’s great. shes a cat, she knows her stuff. she’s strong and theres also this guys???? who shes scared of?? and tells her what to do??? yeah no, idk who it is but let her make her own decisions lol

maybe its just over exaggeration or whatnot, and hes not bad but first impressions do a lot to me and right now the only thing i know about this guy is that AC needs his approval for everything. i guess ill see where that takes us. hopefully nowhere bad. but AC seems like she can take care of herself and knows how to be a good decent troll and i love her for that. wow it literally took me one dialogue to like her. damn, that was fast. jesus.

you know who else is great?

terezi.

yeah i know right. and that whole trial thing, which yeah i guess half the time i was confused by what the fuck is going on since i still cant grasp the idea of how alternia works, but i enjoyed myself with lemonsnout and how terezi roleplays and how much she gets into it. seeing a character that passionate about something is so sweet and nice.

god this was just a nice overall session

which i say, while i completely forgot about the banter TA and karkat got into

right, that happened. oh my god. they both literally stomped all over each other, dissed one another, still made up in the end because apparently thats their friendship and i guess it just works like that. depends on the friends you have, i guess.

its funny though, not gonna lie

and karkat as of now is just being a prick and honestly?

like more than usual, which i guess is weird to say but i mean from present time to beginning of hivebent karkat. not that its uncommon for him to be a prick, he is, but seeing him go through the non-linear pattern with john is mmmmh interesting to say the least. though we havent seen his first trolling, just him constantly going “oh god what did i say, i was dumb” u know, not in those words but thats basically what he means.

ooh im gonna analyze, i feel like analyzing right now my fingers have already typed so much as it is MIGHT AS WELL

and our candidate will be *drum rollll* karkat wow predictable (its below the cut because this is literally irrelevant now to the session)

okay, lets lay out the shit we have already. as i said before, the way he talks presently to john (meaning in the future) is so different than how he speaks to everyone now. of course the “i hate the world” personality is still there, and hes still just regular karkat, but karkat talking with john is patient to some extent and tells him what he needs to know for the game, lowkey kinda chills out once they started talking about movies or growing up as huh, didnt he say larvae or smth?

okay that whole grub thing makes sense now as i just wrote that but i am still confused as to what the FUCK that is implying because i dont think it crossed my mind this much, im repressing it for now until it comes up later.

anyways, back to what i was saying. he was so DIFFERENT than the way he’s acting now which is bitch and moan and like? stfu karkat lmfao. i mean, its not THAT big of a difference in character, because i know he’s still his grumpy old self, and theres a lot of potential.. for growth? not sure if we’ll get it but i like to assume we will get character growth from these characters with fucking 8000 pages talking about them. but a story needs that growth and with karkat being just a straight up angry dude, in MY EYES, he should.. have growth, no? idk HOW he will grow, but im basically just taking what i have right now which isnt much but i analyze things for fun sometimes so let me be.

that being said, because its so early on, im not sure where homestuck is gonna go and i dont have much to go on but being in the psychology course shit happens when you have limited information and you gotta pin point what makes a person a person and how do they cope with things to grow further into life. many of my assignments involve limited info so honestly, not that hard.

but it is something that ive noticed, the way karkat is different as he grows which possibly means the whole veil thing happens later later on in his life and we havent yet seen that small growth become patience and not whining every time he doesnt get what he wants. but growth is common and it mostly likely happens to everyone, so its not like wow this is a surprise and a plot twist, more of something that i just wanna write for the sake of writing it. i hope that makes sense? i dont exactly know where im going with this. i just mean that im basically going to analyse karkat a tiny bit so idk how to otherwise explain it but you’ll get where im going with this as i type more lmao.

anyways, so karkat literally said “pretend i dont think highly of my friend’s talents” as if he’s visibly trying to force himself from all emotions and bash on those who do (reference: “stop being sensitive, its repugnant” or whatever tf he said while TA replied with “hypocrite”) i take that as a key word. so honestly, while that was the smallest thing ive gotten from this session, its the thing im most curious about actually and i actually havent mentioned lol. because what ive learned in psych, which this is just common knowledge but i did an assignment on it so like?? could be useful?? is that people who hold off their emotions tend to hold off others as well, so there is no chance of mirroring each other. in other words, if someone is happy and starts to laugh and goof around with another, the emotions will mirror that other person subconsciously. like an addictive laugh. theres also another way to show mirroring, which is to mimic another person's actions, allowing another to establish a sense of empathy and thus begin to understand another person's emotions. in this case, im using TA and karkat as example. people who suppress emotions tend to see emotions as a bad sign and if somebody else portrayed any sign of it as well, they’ll basically say “gross what are you doing” because theyre so used to concealing it away, that they dont want others to think theyre into the whole mushy shit. so they pretend to hate it, pretend to not even be slightly affected by general sensitivity..

which basically means karkat is a softie, and even if he’s a prick right now, meeee thinks john, from earlier convos, is growing on him because john himself knows how emotions work and while i dont think troll culture does know much about it, considering the BLOOD AND CARNAGE thing, he is in fact growing and even if thats obvious, and you all know it, i am new to homestuck and am trying to see that for myself. its noticeable to some degree. he may always still be a jerk, but i am waiting to see how he slowly starts to accept things around him and to finally show what hes hiding inside. even if its just going up by a few percentages, i see its there and im hoping VERY HOPING he has the biggest character growth!

in other words, why else do i think this?? well nobody who watches romcoms can be that fucking aggressive. you need some sap in you to like it.

on that note, ill probably analyze alternia’s system and rules in another post later throughout these next few sessions because i feel it needs to be talked about and the way everything just.. is so different and doesnt seem right, you know?

thats it for now goodnight

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs81 #hs81 end #tfw you get so into the analysis simple shit doesnt come to mind like tagging or putting a title

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froginvader · 4 years ago

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME.

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

TAGGED BY: --- stole it :) TAGGING: :)

MY MUSE IS: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. ( He is the main character )

is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. ( I--- I have no idea??? He’s a fucking frog. I do wanna hold him and squish him tho,,,,he’s adorable. BUT NOT HOT??? GKRTNGLKEGG )

is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. ( Yes and no simply because he is a commander of an army and has the keron star, but if you took that Title from him, you’d realize he’s just a lazy sack of potatoes. He’s incredibly powerful though )

are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK. ( He’s the main character, but people tend to like the other platoon members more than him. It’s fine though, he’s the star in my heart )

were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO. ( No I've just been talking out my ass )

were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. ( Yes, he’s the sergeant that was adored by everyone. That status has quickly gone away since his time on Earth )

how’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ( Formally adored by all as I've said, but there’s still a handful of people that love him )

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? — I try to follow canon as close as I can, but even the show is. . .not consistent of it’s own lore and facts about the characters in it. So yeah I follow canon but sometimes I gotta take the hammer and FIX the baby.

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. — He’s an alien!! A frog alien at that! Who doesn’t love cute animal aliens? He’s also very tiny, good for cuddling!! CHONKY CHEEKS TOO--- smooshing them is a dream. Makes cute sounds. And he cooks and cleans! He’s very soft! Despite being at Earth to take it over, he really can’t do it, be it terrible plans or his heart can’t go through with it. He’s a cute green frog alien bls.

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?). — HE’S AN ASSHOLE. If he doesn’t get his way, he’ll throw a tantrum until he gets his way, he usually wont do any favors unless he can profit from it (mostly wanting money or getting off the hook of doing chores). He’ll force you to take one for the team (like that time where he tripped Dororo so he didn’t get eaten by the Nyroros). SO YEAH---he’s really selfish depending on the situation. Though, it’s not really his fault. He grew up with everyone brainwashing him that he could get whatever he wanted and was adored too. Emperor's New Groove much?

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? — I’ve always loved aliens and this show has been my comfort watch since I first discovered it on netflix all the way back when in 2012(?). Since IZ boomed again, I wanted to write someone who was also an alien and thus, frog man became a thing.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? — ALL MY FRIENDS....EVERYONE IN THE CLOWN SERVER IS SO SUPPORTIVE AND LOVING ABOUT THESE FROGS HHH (esp Spirit, Che, Mori, Jam, Snail and Water--- I LOVE YOU GUYS ;;;;) thanks for being a blast to bounce back and forth with ideas with all of you. My muse has been so strong thanks to you ;;;

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO?

do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? ( I mostly write them on discord hhhh. I should really post all my headcanons here !! )

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO / ON A RARE OCCASION

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO

are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF?

are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. / SORT OF? ( the amount of typos I make is really scary and embarrassing for me. But I love to write too much to give up. I just wish I had a bigger brain for more flavor text )

are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORT OF?

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? — I’ll take it!! I’m still learning about Keroro even as we speak, I’d love to see if people point out stuff I do wrong or even help me build upon him!

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? — YES....PLEASE GIVE THOSE TO ME

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? — Everyone has different opinions, I’d love to hear why the person thinks otherwise but it’s just water off my back u_u

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? — Hard to say. I really try my best to stay true to his character but if someone doesn’t like it--- I really can’t sway them either direction. I’ll be hurt but--- You can’t please everyone, y’know?

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? — LOL its fine? Keroro is a little shit. Though I WILL show them all the good things about him. I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL BLS

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? — Yes please.....I’m so trash at writing that I really need it. Please point it out or help me fix it ;;;; I’ll appreciate it. Just don’t be a jerk about it, yeah?

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? — Yell heah. I just vibe. I’m very friendly but I’m not sure if people think I’m scary but I’m very chill! Don’t be scared to talk to me

#◜A frog’s way of life◞ : ━ ⭐ ( Headcanons )#◜Distractions◞ : ━ ⭐ ( Memes )#{ HEE HEE HOO }#long post //

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mst3kproject · 5 years ago

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614: San Francisco International

I’d seen about fifteen minutes of this episode once, then I found something better to do. I never got back to it until just the day before I wrote this review, when I tried to sit down and watch it properly. I made it to the second ‘Urkel’ sketch before I got fed up and shut it off again. Now I’ve gotta watch the whole damn thing with no riffing… and man, this movie is boring. I’m not sure I have two pages of stuff to say about it. I’ll try not to get too repetitive but I make no promises.

It’s a big day at San Francisco International Airport, I guess. First they hold a staged emergency to scare the pants off some old white guys in suits. Then they’ve got to ship three million dollars for the Federal Reserve – that was a lot of money in the 70’s, which is why a bunch of thugs are kidnapping women as part of a complicated heist plan. Also somebody’s getting a divorce and some other guys hates hippies, and a twelve-year-old decides that flying doesn’t look that hard only to discover that oh, yes, it is.

As far as the actual episode goes, this one’s a ‘miss’ for me. The host sketches aren’t very funny (I have to admit I was never an Urkel fan either) and the riffing at times seems downright cruel. The jokes about how Davy’s stupid and his parents are breaking up because of him are deeply mean-spirited. And the movie itself is, as Tom Servo observes, just kind of brown. There’s not a single interesting or distinctive thing in it. It’s no wonder the episode is so colourless, when the movie gave the Best Brains nothing to work with.

There are several storylines running in parallel in San Francisco International. First there’s the scare given to the officials and politicians, which seems to result in the airport getting its runways upgraded. I’m not sure what that had to do with the simulated emergency, which was about a problem with the plane’s landing gear rather than the pavement they were to touch down on. The discussion of collapsing wheels and the demonstration of the airport’s emergency preparedness was so specific I thought it had to be foreshadowing of something, but it wasn’t.

Equally pointless is the guy who picks fights with hairy stoners… what the hell was that? What was he trying to accomplish? Did he just not like how the guy played the guitar? It’s impossible to say, because the scene comes and goes with no effect on the plot whatsoever. Again, it really looked like it was going to be foreshadowing – it takes some trouble to say where and when events happened, and I figured stoner guy would turn out to be an important witness in the heist or something. But no… it’s just there.

Then there are the main plots, which somehow seem equally pointless. Davy’s father is a workaholic jerk who just doesn’t understand why he should spend time with his wife and child. The better we got to know this guy, the more I wanted his wife to leave him, but of course I knew that doesn’t happen in movies. Sure enough, at the end they’ve supposedly reconciled and the whole family leaves together, but I’m completely unconvinced. The next time work calls, Davy’s dad is going to forget all the lessons he’s supposedly learned.

What brings the parents back together is Davy accidentally flying a small plane out over San Francisco Bay. This is one of the most contrived things I’ve ever seen in a movie. The whole sequence of events just makes no sense. Why was Davy even allowed out to wander around among the airplanes? What the hell made him think starting one up was a good idea? How do you take off by accident? I don’t have a pilot’s license, but I’m sure it has to be more complicated than driving a car and you certainly can’t start one of those without intending to! If Davy were younger maybe I could accept it as a game that got out of hand, but he’s twelve or thirteen and really should have more sense.

The A plot is, of course, the three million dollar heist. You’d think that somebody stealing three million dollars would be at least a little exciting, but it’s really not. The airport officials don’t seem very interested, the thieves look bored, and even the hostages aren’t really into it. The person who puts the most effort into feeling emotions about things in this storyline is the pilot who is forced to delay his flight to save his wife’s life, and he comes across as way more emphatic about the supposedly damaged nose wheel than about anything else. This may be the only time I’ve seen a character in a movie be a better actor than the guy playing him.

Mainly what I find myself thinking about during this storyline is not ‘oh, are the hostages gonna be okay?’ or ‘where’d they stash the money? Can the security guys figure it out’ but ‘wow, airport security sucked in the 70’s.’ People wander around in restricted areas and nobody bats an eye. I know a lot changed after 9/11 but was it really possible back then to take a gun on a plane just by hiding it under your coat? Could unsupervised children really just walk into a hangar and nobody gave a shit? Maybe that’s why the heist storyline is so un-compelling – because it’s just so damned easy.

Or maybe it’s because we don’t know much about these characters, and the only ones we know much about we don’t like. There’s the guy who’s like the airport director or something, I think his name was Conrad, I don’t care… he arranged the safety stunt at the beginning, establishing him as kind of a jerk, and then he continues being a jerk by wandering around huffing about doing things ‘his way’. The head of security doesn’t fare much better, since the first thing we see him do is sneer about how Conrad’s boss can’t fire him. He becomes slightly more likable later when he fairly weighs up both sides of the businessman-vs-stoner duel, but this scene, as previously mentioned, comes to nothing, and the actor still plays it with only minimal personality. Even the guitar-toting hippie, who you’d think would at least be fun for the actor to play, is so dull he’s barely even a stereotype.

A lot of the reason why San Francisco International is like this is, of course, because it’s meant to be the pilot of a series. All of what would be the recurring characters must therefore be introduced and have a small storyline of their own. It’s supposed to be an appetizer, not a meal in itself, just enough of a taste to leave you wanting more. The problem, of course, is that it doesn’t leave you wanting more. I didn’t even want the rest of this.

I can sort of see why somebody might think an airport would be a good setting for an ongoing TV show. Airports see people from all over the world on vacation, on business, and on new chapters in their lives. They’re big, complicated places where a lot of things happen, and could probably work very well as a social microcosm. That does kind of come across in San Francisco International, but of course it makes all those things look boring, or at least as if they happen to boring people. Another problem is the associations people have with airports. We just don’t see them as the home of life-or-death drama.

When you think about the perennially popular genres of TV show – there are cop shows, hospital shows, spy shows, courtroom shows, and so forth. These are all environments that ordinary people rarely encounter, and they seem laden with drama because they’re places where people’s futures or even their lives hang in the balance. Airports, on the other hand, are somewhere just about everybody ends up at least a few times in their life, and they’re mainly a place where we’re bored and annoyed. Any drama there happens behind the scenes while we’re sitting around drinking bad coffee and waiting impatiently for our gate announcement. They’re not glamorous, and they’re not something we want to know more about. The series got cancelled after six episodes. I’m surprised it even made it that far.

I’m sure the right script, the right director, and the right actors could actually make this work, but San Francisco International didn’t have any of those things. The script is particularly weak, because of its lack of unity. The need to introduce all the recurring characters and their roles in the airport obviously exists, but that doesn’t mean all their storylines couldn’t tie in together somehow. It definitely doesn’t mean they’re allowed to look like they’re setting things up and not pay them off. And just now, I realized that there’s not a single joke in the entire thing. Most TV shows, even those that aren’t outright comedies, at least try to be a little funny sometimes. I guess humour would have been just way too out of place in this wasteland of boredom.

The best sum-up of San Francisco International is that nobody was into it. On every level, it feels like people were just turning in what they had to in order to collect a paycheque: the writer wrote a script that was long enough, the actors showed up and said their lines, the director pointed a camera at it, and they were all thinking about what they’d rather be doing right now. I feel the same way. I watched the movie, I wrote my review, it’s not great but it’ll do, I queued up my bonus material, and now I’m gonna have a cup of tea and go to bed. Good night.

#mst3k #reviews #san francisco international #70s

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praphit · 4 years ago

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1BR- “Get your own damned sandwich!”

I think we've all thought about running away at some point in time this year. Of course, with The Ronas, there's really nowhere to run (not in America at least). But, if we could just go somewhere, and start over...

I've done that a few times in my life, and I'm sure some of you have as well.

You get away from a life that you screwed up, and start some new life... so that you can screw that one up as well.

That's what we have here in "1BR".

A young woman (Sarah) runs from her life of anxiety, confusion, and daddy issues, and runs towards L.A. It IS the city of angels, after all.

She gets a new place out there and it appears to be perfect (outside of the subtly baleful music that's playing in the background).

If only we all had background music playing in our lives that warned us of what's to come... though, honestly, there were a few red flags that didn't require music for discernment:

#1 - The community was too diverse with no signs of strife.

Some of you have been trapped in your home with the "love of your life" who may only have a couple of differences than you. A half a year of lockdown and you're already seeking divorce. A whole community with a bunch of different people with a lot of differences, with no cracks in it?? - c'mon.

#2 - Sarah is immediately greeted by your stereotypically cute and perfect guy, who's single and way too friendly. I've had a lot of different homes, and I've never been greeted by someone that perfect. If they've got the cute/sexy thing down, there's usually an angry, obsessive, and jealous ex, who just got out of prison. Or sometimes she's nice and all, but she ends up being a witch... no an actual witch (no offense to you witches out there, but... you know).

Or sometimes they've got 8 kids or something... and they're all drug dealers or something... idk, Baltimore, man.

Point is there is no perfection out there, and on the rare occasion that you find it, they're probably a serial killer.

#3 - this woman

I can't get her character in "American Horror Story" out of my head (pic to the left... though that should be obvious. Imagine if it were the other way around:).

She (Naomi Grossman) is always playing some creepy character. If you see her you KNOW that something sinister is afoot.

This community has a set of principles that everyone must live by or else there's punishment (this punishment tends to start with being locked in a torture room with your only comforts being a mystery shake and a bed pan.

The principles are selflessness, openness, acceptance, and security.

They all sound good, but... if you take them to the extreme...

I'm sorry, but Imma be selfish when it comes to my food. Have y'all ever had a chicken bacon club from "Wawa"... omg. Some of you may be thinking "Wawa?" YES, WAWA! I'm tryna tell ya! People are always asking if they can have a bite.

Bleep no! Get your own damned sandwich! They would just have to punish me. When it comes to my food and my women I am straight up monogamous. I ain't sharing for shit!

As far as openness, they wanted Sarah to share about her first sexual experience... right??! - stuff like that! They were like "We have no secrets here."

Pssh, you gotta have some secrets! I've had people say to me "Rambling Praphit, I want to know everything about you." NO YOU DO NOT! And I don't want to know everything about you either! I'm not sure that we could function in America without our secrets.

It's not that these principles are bad, they're just taken to the extreme.

With everything that I just told you, there's plenty there for a good movie, unfortunately...

It's like all the producers felt like they needed was a premise. We get to know Sarah, but no one else in this new community. They're all kinda prisoners just like Sarah, and it would have been nice to see how others were dealing. I saw some people of color sprinkled in the community. Imagine their perspectives. Most of the torturing is done by the white people. Imagine the movie showing a group of white people "punishing" a black man for... idk... leaving the toilet seat up. That would be a whole different movie! Think how awkward that would be.

"Look, I know this LOOKS racist, but... "

Another thing is that Sarah disappears for a hot minute. They said that they made sure to end her relationships via social media, but no one followed up?! No one?! Especially since the way her relationships are cut would have been totally out of character for her. If I ever go missing you can bet that at least my debt collectors would find me. At the very least, I'd see one of those slips of paper (reminding me that I still owe 800 thousand dollars) skate under the torture room door.

The movie definitely plays on the fear of government having too much control over us, us being too compliant, and a fear of science; many things that we see people growing in fear of today. Fear not, people. This would never happen. Mainly, because we could never be that organized to build and sustain that type of cultish community.

We're all jerks! Think about it - we've all signed papers saying we won't or will do certain things, but... there's always those people who still don't pick-up their dog's poop. There are always those people who refuse to cut their grass. Just the other week, some random drunk dude passed out in my yard! We'd spend all of our time in the torture room. They'd have to build many rooms like that. We'd be a community of constant torture!

Between the poster for this film and the rating including “gore” in it. I expected, you know... lots of gore.

- not true. I mean, there were a couple of spots, but... nothing to hide under the covers over.

As scared as Sarah looks, I was expecting “Saw” levels of blood. Although, to be fair, it's clear that they didn't have the budget for that type of horror.

I also didn't like that Sarah was so submissive. Fight, woman! I mean she kinda fights at the end, but she's still so... ugh. Channel your inner Black Widow!

Grade: generous C- (a good early morning, start my day with thoughts of torture-provoked utopias type of story) It'll get you thinking a lil bit, but that's it... just a lil.

Sarah’s relationship with her one black friend is highlighted, cuz of course :) She was so much feistier than Sarah. That's the attitude I wanted to see! - maybe she should have been the lead.

Maybe a woman of color would have been better for the role. Imagine Cardi B being the lead in this movie:

She wouldn't have taken any of their shit.

Speaking of shit, she probably wouldn't have been shy about the use of that bed pan.

And think of what response she'd have to those "openness" questions about sex.

That's the movie I want!

#1br #horror #Horror Movies #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #cardi b #wap #naomi grossman #praphit #los angeles #wawa #Black Widow

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dragimal · 5 years ago

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ok this is like. MAJORLY self-indulgent, self-psychoanalyzing rambling so I’m putting it under a readmore, but my thoughts have been spinning in circles over this for like. practically my whole teen/adult life. and I just need to put it down somewhere

idc if anyone wants to read this or respond or anything, again I’m just basically trying to vomit out my thoughts until something makes sense

so like. anxiety. I know I have it, that’s the ONE Problems Disorder I’m 100% certain I’ve got, to whatever degree it matters

but that’s kinda the thing-- to WHAT degree, and DOES that matter? at what point can I say it’s a legitimate part of me, and at what point is it something negligible and unobtrusive?

b/c here’s the other thing-- anxiety is, in fact, a strong aspect of my self-image. it’s something I associate strongly with as a character trait, and I tend to relate to ‘meek’ characters

I know part of it is a defense mechanism. I had to make myself small, being raised by my mom. she’s a whole other rant, but essentially she’s a very defensively prideful person, and any attempt to steer a conversation towards your own accomplishments/needs/interests is met with a blank look and a swift topic change back to herself. (and god forbid u bring up her faults, that would guarantee manipulative guilt-tripping at best, screaming and crying at worst)

but there’s also another convoluted level to this defense mechanism. I recognized at a young age, on some subconscious level, that pride was/is my mom’s greatest downfall. so I internalized that as, “pride (and even more broadly, confidence) is bad and and a danger to those around you”

not to be Homestuck on main, but Dave’s first conversation with Dirk struck me on a level of personal experience that few other pieces of media have ever hit, particularly this bit

obviously the physical aspect of this abuse is beyond me, but the emotional manipulation, and Bro subsequently ruining a generally positive concept (the concept of heroism, in his case) hits incredibly close to home

my mom exuded confidence and always told me that confidence in myself over all else would save me, but she ultimately ruined confidence for me. I know there will always be this underlying thread of fear that if I’m not afraid-- that if I allow myself confidence-- that I will become like her. that I’ll hurt people with my pride

now this is all shit that I’ve known abt myself for a long time, and I know I’ve even mentioned some of this in passing before. but here’s what’s fucking me up nowadays: what happens when you cling to anxiety like this? what happens when you craft a disorder into your personality? where does subconscious reaction end and deliberate masking begin?

b/c here’s the other thing: I don’t truly hate myself. not rly-- not on the level I would say is dangerous or clinical. some of it may very well be real, but I definitely play it up. like play-acting at under-confidence

and it’s not like I don’t have pride either. I have tons of pride for various things I do or accomplish, namely academic studies, crafting/art, and just like working standards in general. when I can eloquently describe/argue my point, or accurately craft something to my inner image, I feel very real pride

but pride hurts. I feel pride, but equal to that is the shame I feel at feeling pride in the first place. it’s genuinely painful at times to accept a compliment without argument NOT because I necessarily disagree (tho there are definitely times where I DO actually disagree), but to accept a compliment is to admit I have pride in the thing being complimented, and THAT is unacceptable

and it’s not like my fear is unfounded either. I’ve hurt ppl w/ my pride before-- and this isn’t my anxiety making me self-critical, I KNOW this for a FACT. it simply comes with the territory of all that “gifted child” bullshit in school. yeah I was one of those. thankfully not a very outspoken student (the anxiety in my younger days was a lot more real and visceral), but I do still distinctly remember moments where my academic pride gave me an... inflated sense of presence over those that didn’t get the material, I guess u could say

I know there were times I made ppl feel small, due to my pride. hell, times I got overly, fearfully defensive of my knowledge or artistic skill to the point of talking over others and making them feel stupid. no one deserves to feel small, and it fucking tears me up to know that I did that to ppl. that I still knee-jerk react in that way sometimes, even now, and it still slips out

and isn’t that just proof that I can’t appropriately handle pride? that I’m not mature enough for confidence?

and it’s not even all about making myself small for others’ sake. half of it is this incredibly selfish knowledge that not living up to my own standards will fucking kill me if I let it

I feel like every ‘gifted kid’ experiences a chain events that starts at, “wow I’m so smart, I’m great at every subject!” and ends at, “christ I’m fucking garbage at literally everything.” we’re taught that success is in being able to do something well the first time (or at least quickly and with little effort), so if we’re not immediately good at something, we shut down b/c we were never taught that success is actually in the effort at the task

this has been talked to death by others so I don’t want to bother w/ it too long, but the critical thing to note is that there’s there’s this eventual sense of defeat in everything you do, when ur brought up w/ this mindset

I used to be somewhat competitive in certain things when I was younger-- the rare sports I played when I was RLY young, academics obviously, etc. or at least, competitive with my own personal standards, if not necessarily against other ppl. but every failure and mistake made me so upset that the angst was like. genuinely dangerous to my health

I used to play golf on a team in middle school, and every time I whiffed it I would get SO angry at myself that my dad literally told me that that level of upset would kill me someday and that I rly needed to stop

so I took that to heart and just. stopped caring

every time I whiffed it after that point, I was just like, “ah, well, what can ya do ¯|_(ツ)_/¯ ” this attitude definitely lowered my blood pressure, but it also rly killed my motivation to like... improve. b/c the thought of even trying to improve brought up all these feelings abt trying to meet my own standards of success, and how much it would hurt to fail

when u don’t set any standards u gotta meet, then when u fail u don’t rly fail, y’know? “well I didn’t even try, so it’s actually fine”

obviously I couldn’t give less of a shit abt golf anymore, but sometimes I wonder if my cold-turkey drop in confidence played a part in killing the interest itself? I know that sports and physical activity were never rly my thing in the first place, but did I perhaps give up so hard that I convinced myself that I didn’t even like those things in the first place?

I know it happened w/ academics at least: start to struggle with math? now I hate math. chemistry? that sucks too. etc etc

I kinda side-tracked here w/ all the talk of ‘gifted kid’ stuff, my point is that I have a vested interest in humbling myself-- to actively craft the persona of a meek, humble person

and I’ve been wondering if that, in and of itself, is manipulative. like, is it manipulative to let others think I rly lack THAT much in self-confidence? that I rly hate myself that much?

it certainly feels that way when I knee-jerk reject a compliment abt something I do, in fact, feel pride in-- when the shame at that pride is too much. but my friends don’t know it’s that reactive shame-- they think it’s that I rly don’t have confidence in that thing

but god, how do I even explain this fucking tangled, convoluted bullshit over my reaction to compliments? that I have to be small or I’ll hurt someone? that I do feel pride, and that’s the problem? what does that even MEAN to someone outside my own head??

and that’s not even to get into whether that manipulation is like, actually some subconscious tactic to get MORE compliments! am I fishing? when I make a post like this, am I actually just fishing for more compliments? is that what I’m doing??

I feel like I’m running in circles here, nipping at my own goddamned heels abt pride and shame and what is real and acting and does it even matter if nobody gets hurt?

do people get hurt? ppl get hurt when I allow myself pride, it’s happened before. but now I’m realizing that my self-hate may hurt ppl too-- my self-deprecation often goes too far, and it hurts the ppl who care abt me

how do I explain that self-deprecation is safe? a shield to hold back my pride? hell, it’s more accurate to say it’s a safe way to EXPRESS my pride in a way that ppl don’t detect. I acknowledge my faults, and if I frame it in a socially-acceptably comedic way, I get the pride of making someone laugh! it’s SAFE pride!

but is it? but is it, when it hurts ppl to hear me self-hate?

is there any way to feel pride safely?

I’ve never thought of myself as an actor, or as someone who can lie well (or at all). but can I lie, when I also believe the lie? is it a lie that I have anxiety? that I hate myself? that I have no confidence?

how much of me is real? how much does that hurt others? how do I carve out the parts of me that hurt others how do I make myself smaller in ways that are genuine and lasting and don’t hurt people??

I want to be small. I like being small. but am I small? or am I playing at being small?

I don’t know. I don’t know.

(cashing in on that safe comedic validation babeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)

#long post #shut up ashley #also @ my friends who may read this:#if it feels like I'm vagueing I'm not like. trying to do that #it's just genuinely easier for me to lay this out in an open format #rather than bring it up in a conversation #I have no idea what the FUCK I'm talking abt right now

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karazor--el · 5 years ago

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Jon Cryer Teases Lex's Agenda & Sociopathy in 'Crisis on Infinite Earths'

The Crisis is here, and that means that the Arrowverse heroes have to work with people they may not particularly like ... including none other than Lex Luthor (Jon Cryer).

And this comes as the heroes have just lost one of their own: Oliver Queen (Stephen Amell). "Team morale is at its lowest point at the start of Episode 2," Cryer told TV Insider before correcting himself with, "Actually, as bad as it is at the start of Episode 2, it gets worse."

And outside of those from Supergirl, Lex has zero connections to the rest of the Arrowverse. "Lex is a wildcard in that whole situation, because he comes in with a completely different agenda than anybody else," he continued. "He's sociopathically oblivious to the pain of everyone else, and that's why he's such a threat."

Here, Cryer previews what's still to come in the epic crossover.

Kevin Conroy Says Bruce Wayne Is 'a Very Bruised Individual' in Arrowverse's 'Crisis'

The actor discusses playing the character onscreen for the first time and teases Bruce's interaction with Batwoman Kate Kane.

Does Lex represent a sign of hope, someone who died and was brought back?

Jon Cryer: That's a good point. But it always seems so arbitrary. The Monitor sets loose these characters and we're all wandering around going, "what's our purpose in this?" Lex has this incredible intellect, but he doesn't know any more than anybody else. So he just gets into his usual single-minded, "me, me, me," attitude and goes about his business.

Speaking of that resurrection, has dying and being brought back changed Lex at all?

It has changed him. He's seen death. There's no way to go through that and not be altered by it. What it seems he's taken from it is an incredibly clear desire for that to never, ever, ever to occur again, and so he's even more single-mindedly focused on setting his own agenda and not caring about what anybody else wants or need.

We briefly saw Lex with The Monitor at the end of Supergirl 508. What does Lex think of this cosmic being and what he said to him? It's gotta feel pretty good to be told they need his mind and he's going to be a hero, despite always considering himself to be one.

He considers this guy kind of a blow-hard nuisance more than anything else. He comes in and makes these grand pronouncements, and it's just, say what you mean. He's really tired of him, frankly. He has such disdain for every other being besides him that he doesn't think The Monitor is anything particularly special.

We even see that when he tells The Monitor they have to talk about his sister.

Yes, exactly. I have some conditions...

How much does he know about what Lena's been up to and what can you say about what's to come for those two?

I love working with Katie [McGrath]. No matter what, Lex is going to be messing with his younger sister. He's a bully, sociopath, basically your nightmare older sibling is what Lex is. But she is brilliant, and she is capable of beating him actually, and she's capable of resisting him through just being who she is. They'll always be good foils for each other. He's not aware of what's happened while he's gone, so if and when they do have interactions that I'm not allowed to talk about, it's going to be loaded with all of that baggage. Plus, you don't know what exactly he wanted to say to The Monitor, and I do. [Laughs]

In one of the trailers, there's a news report of Lex Luthor killing the Man of Steel. Can you say if that Lex is your Lex?

I can't say. How can I phrase this? Lex Luthor would consider a universe that had a thousand Supermen that he had a chance to kill just more opportunities for fun.

Are there any surprises in terms of who has the easiest and who has the hardest time working with Lex?

Nobody's really working with Lex. He's a chaos agent and he's pretty much making any situation he's in worse for the superheroes, but you do get to see why The Monitor thought that would be helpful in the situation. None of the heroes really get along with Lex. In fact, there's a running gag in many of the episodes about to what extent people will put up with Lex's behavior. If you've seen that still of Batwoman with Lex up against the wall, that interaction did not go well.

Speaking of that photo (above), what can you say about that dynamic?

Batwoman has zero patience for Lex.

How are things between Lex and Kara given all their history and the fact that he’s the one who told Lena her secret, but everyone has to accept he's there?

Because The Monitor has decreed that Lex has some contribution to make to this situation, they all very grudgingly have to put up with him to some extent. I can say there's a fair amount of interaction with Kara and she's horribly conflicted the whole time because he's the worst of the worst.

What else can you preview about the crossover? How he reacts to the heroes around him?

I can tell you what my reaction was. Just because I was the only guy who wasn't in a super suit for a fair amount of it, you do feel oddly, you want to stick up for humanity when you get a chance. You're like, the only straight-up human here is a real jerk. You get a little defensive sometimes. And also as an actor, you work with Grant [Gustin] and Melissa [Benoist] and Stephen and Caity [Lotz] and all of them. The physical demands on these people are just enormous and I go, wow, they're 28. I'm no longer 28 and I've got to be in these same situations as well, so it was very demanding, but so impressive what the number 1s were doing.

TV Insider.

#Lex Luthor #Crisis on Infinite Earths

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